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♪ It's the 20th of April
And there's something in the air ♪
2
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:35,160
♪ You can see it all around you
You can smell it everywhere ♪
3
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♪ It's a month into the spring ♪
4
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,707
♪ And two days before Earth Day ♪
5
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♪ It's also Hitler's birthday
But no one seems to care ♪
6
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♪ It's merrier than Christmas
More fun than Halloween ♪
7
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♪ As festive as St. Patrick's ♪
8
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♪ And every bit as green ♪
9
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♪ We celebrate the harvest
And what makes life worth living ♪
10
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♪ It's like the best Thanksgiving
That you've ever fucking seen ♪
11
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♪ It's 4/20 ♪
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♪ The best day of the year ♪
13
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♪ 4/20, the best day of the year ♪
14
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♪ Some lyric will need to go right here ♪
15
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♪ It's 4/20, the best day of the year ♪
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Welcome!
17
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[crowd cheering]
18
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I'm Mayor Dabby.
19
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And I'm First Lady Dank. [laughs]
20
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And on behalf of all the citizens
of Weed City,
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welcome to the celebration of 4/20,
22
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April's Fourth of July.
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[crowd cheering]
24
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-Hey, Dank.
-Yeah, boo?
25
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Do you know the origin of 4/20?
26
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Fuck, no. I don't know nothing. [laughs]
27
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I don't either.
28
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Oh, shit. For real?
29
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Any of you guys know?
30
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,793
[crowd muttering]
31
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[Dabby and Dank] Hey, fuck you!
32
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,965
Fuck you! Start singing and dancing
like those Broadway assholes, now!
33
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[Broadway music playing]
34
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♪ Brown and yellow, black and white ♪
35
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♪ Today we're all the same ♪
36
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♪ We pass the torch of freedom ♪
37
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♪ And millions light the flame ♪
38
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♪ The nation is as one ♪
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♪ America has spoken ♪
40
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♪ We've awoken and aboken ♪
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♪ And through coughing, we proclaim ♪
42
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[lighters flicking]
43
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,647
[all coughing]
44
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:15,528
♪ It's 4/20, the best day of the year ♪
45
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♪ 4/20, the best time of the day ♪
46
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♪ 4/20, the best year of the time ♪
47
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:25,705
♪ It's 4/20, the best day of the day ♪
48
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:31,044
♪ 4/20, 4/20, 4/20 ♪
49
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,422
♪ 4/20, 4/20, 4/20 ♪
50
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:41,012
♪ It's 4/20, the best day of the year ♪
51
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,307
♪ 4/20, the best day of the year ♪
52
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♪ Something, something
Something rhymes with "year" ♪
53
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♪ It's 4/20 ♪
54
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♪ The best day of the year ♪
55
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[snorting and grunting]
56
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Is this still the dream?
57
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Yeah, that's what it says.
58
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[both] Whoa!
59
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,713
[Trixie Smith's
"Jack, I'm Mellow" playing]
60
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,971
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
61
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,598
♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
62
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♪ Just blow some gage
I'm on a rampage ♪
63
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♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
64
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♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
65
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♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪
66
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♪ The world seems light
And I'm so right ♪
67
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♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
68
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,198
♪ I'm gonna put my nickel
In a slot machine ♪
69
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♪ And play my solid sender ♪
70
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♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie-Q ♪
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'Cause I'm on a bender ♪
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♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
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♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
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♪ I got my roach around
I can't come down ♪
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♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
76
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:07,056
Hey, Travis. Your mom got anything special
planned for 4/20?
77
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,893
No. With the raid, she said she wanted
to keep it low-key this year.
78
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,104
[fanfare playing over speakers]
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[woman speaks indistinctly]
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[cheering and whooping]
81
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,666
Friends, stoners, countrymen.
82
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,627
Pete, turn that shit off.
83
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,588
[music stops]
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00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:39,797
A few months ago,
85
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:43,176
Ruth's Alternative Caring
was raided by the DEA.
86
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,594
-[all] Boo!
-Fuck the feds.
87
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,764
They took our money,
and they took our weed.
88
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But it's like my friend
Michelle Obama says,
89
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when they go low, we get high.
90
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-[all] Yeah.
-That's right.
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They thought they could stop us.
92
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But like any good stoner,
we rolled right through that stop sign.
93
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[woman 1] Ow!
94
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,865
They didn't count on this amazing staff,
95
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:09,702
blessed with tremendous loyalty
and an inability to find other work.
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00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,620
Yeah.
97
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:11,746
[speaking indistinctly]
98
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:15,124
They didn't count on my son
and business partner, Travis,
99
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,586
brilliantly rebuilding this store
better than ever.
100
00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:22,840
Look, we got a new countertop
and two new stools.
101
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-[woman 2] Whoo!
-Up yours, DEA.
102
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[all] Yeah!
103
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So, raise your joints...
104
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:34,811
because not only is it 4/20, it's 4:20!
105
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[all cheering]
106
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So, uh, this is low-key, huh?
107
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Oh, yeah.
Most years, she flashes her boobs.
108
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Just frolic about me
while I show my boobs.
109
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-[man] Yeah.
-No.
110
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Welcome to "Strain O' The Day."
111
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It's 4/20, and for the first time,
we are...
112
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"Evil."
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No.
114
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No, we're live. We're--
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00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,509
We're streaming live on Facebook
116
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:10,012
to tell you about our new
in-house strain, 4/20 Fantasy.
117
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,723
I'm hoping it's a re-creation
of my last grow,
118
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which was transcendent.
119
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It was crazy. It gave everyone
a euphoric experience.
120
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Probably because prior to harvesting,
I had sex with Mary Jane,
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the spiritual embodiment
of the marijuana plant.
122
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:28,656
That was not the shared experience.
That was just Pete.
123
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:33,244
But my point is, my mom called it
the best weed she'd ever had.
124
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And I've had them all.
125
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:41,586
The DEA took the rest of that weed,
so Pete's trying to recapture the magic.
126
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And this is the first time anyone
has smoked it, anywhere.
127
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And remember, we are live.
128
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-So, Pete, tell me, what do you think?
-It sucks.
129
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I suck.
130
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,057
I'm a failure.
131
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And I'm Travis.
132
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,151
And you've been watching
"Strain O' The Day."
133
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,904
Olivia's Shitballs on sale now.
134
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:19,498
Ruth? I have a question. Are you busy?
135
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:24,170
You bet I'm busy. I got a marker,
a whiteboard and a planet to save.
136
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,216
Check it out, Pete.
I'm getting back to my roots.
137
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,136
Political activism. Stirring shit up.
The planet's gone to hell.
138
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I'm pissed off. It's great.
139
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Go ahead, Pete, ask me anything.
140
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:38,809
Okay, well, I--
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00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:43,022
Because what I'm asking myself,
which crisis needs me the most?
142
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,441
Global warming seems like a good fit,
143
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,693
but I don't like when it's chilly.
144
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Am I a loser?
145
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,281
What?
146
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,410
Oh, no, Pete. Why would you say that?
147
00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:00,790
I grew the new crop
exactly like the last one.
148
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:05,211
Okay? I used the same soil, the same tea.
I even had sex with Mary Jane,
149
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:08,798
the exact same spiritual embodiment
of the marijuana plant.
150
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:14,428
Oh, that's what I saw through the window.
I thought you were doing sit-ups.
151
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,723
The new weed just came out ordinary.
152
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,768
So, uh, I think I've lost my gift.
153
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,854
Pete, you can never lose your genius.
154
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,566
You're the marijuana Mozart.
155
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,986
You're the Shakespeare of shake.
You're Vincent van Grow.
156
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:35,825
If I'm as good as those guys,
why do I feel so...?
157
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,037
[Mozart's "Eine kleine Nachtmusik K. 525"
playing]
158
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,082
[Pete] It's the miracle weed.
159
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:45,918
[music distorting]
160
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Come back!
161
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,051
[distorted music and sound]
162
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:01,642
I got you.
163
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,646
[laughing]
164
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,612
[indistinct chattering]
165
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,530
[Pete] Why can't I get you back?
166
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,827
Come back! Come back!
167
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:33,841
-I don't know if I can grow anymore.
-Don't be so hard on yourself, kid.
168
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:38,763
Take the rest of the day off.
Go do something good for yourself.
169
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,931
Okay. Thanks.
170
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,146
But no sit-ups. I got the blinds open.
171
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,322
What are you doing?
172
00:10:56,405 --> 00:11:00,034
Pretending to look at the security monitor
so I can stand close.
173
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,371
First of all, pretending to look
at the security monitor is my job.
174
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,497
[laughs]
175
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,334
Second, we agreed,
six-foot perimeter at work.
176
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,170
Baby, we've been a couple for months.
177
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,422
In fact, we coupled this morning.
178
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,049
[laughs, then clears throat]
179
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,514
Which was amazing, but I don't want
people here knowing about us yet.
180
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:24,433
-You know what'll happen. People gossip--
-I know.
181
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,894
That's half the fun of having a boyfriend.
182
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,687
Okay, but then there's Ruth.
183
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,274
"So, when are you two gonna make
some chocolate wontons?"
184
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,275
[laughing]
185
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,652
[groaning]
186
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:35,694
Hey.
187
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,950
So, look what I just pulled out
of the ass that is my oven.
188
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,160
[both] Shitballs!
189
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,288
A hot, steaming pile
of Olivia's Shitballs.
190
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,500
These things are flying off the shelves.
Thanks, Maria.
191
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:52,795
Thank you, bestie. You're the shit.
192
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:56,674
Oh, God. The shit jokes never get old.
193
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:57,883
No, no. They do. They do.
194
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,218
[Maria sighs]
195
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,138
That reminds me of something I heard
in the slammer.
196
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,598
See, Rodriguez, she was a cellie of mine,
197
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:09,395
waiting for her old man to bail her out.
She said to me, "White lady, listen up."
198
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,938
-Maria.
-[Maria] "Listen."
199
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,398
You were not in prison.
200
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,152
You were in a police holding cell
for three hours.
201
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:20,448
Carter, when in the big house,
you don't measure time by a clock.
202
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:25,119
You measure it by how many lady-guards
you have to chow down on just to survive.
203
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,290
You didn't chow down on anyone.
204
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,585
That's what I tell myself every night.
205
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,964
♪ Who gets high on her own supply? ♪
206
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,133
♪ Olivia, Olivia ♪
207
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,510
♪ Who gets high on her own supply? ♪
208
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,720
-Hey.
-Whoa, hey.
209
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,892
Check it out, I've got three calls
from other dispensaries
210
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,186
all wanting to sell these Shitballs.
211
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,395
Shut the fuck door.
212
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,396
Oh, yeah.
213
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,773
-It's pretty cool, right?
-Yeah.
214
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:55,941
So, [clears throat]
215
00:12:56,734 --> 00:13:00,112
I was thinking it's probably time
we figure out what the deal is between us.
216
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,740
-Okay. Yeah.
-Mm.
217
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,869
Well, we flirted, uh, made out a little,
218
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,288
-and then there was nipple play.
-No, stop.
219
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:14,376
I mean the business arrangement.
How are we gonna split our profits?
220
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,170
Our profits?
221
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,466
Sorry, I'm making them
from my nana's recipe.
222
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:26,013
Olivia, [chuckles] you walked in here
with a couple of fudge cookies one day.
223
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,975
I had the vision to put weed in them,
call them Shitballs,
224
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,144
and package them with toilet paper.
225
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,480
I mean, that's Shark Tank-level, okay?
226
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,148
Okay, you have a point.
227
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,319
I'm thinking
we split the profits fifty-fifty.
228
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:43,989
-What are you thinking?
-Okay. That sounds like a good idea.
229
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,952
So did making out with you
until I tried it.
230
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,000
[narrator] Enjoy an eighth
of the old country
231
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:59,672
at Salvatore's Authentic Health Services
in Flatbush.
232
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,591
Salvatore and Frances Scarlotti
233
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,344
will treat you
like you are at mama's table
234
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,347
as you sample such Italian specialties
235
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,891
as Napoli Red...
236
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,561
Acapulco Caprese,
237
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,604
Skunkgili,
238
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:19,775
and our famous homemade
Alfredo Thunderfuck.
239
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:27,491
Let Sal Jr. show you our glassware
in the Venetian Room.
240
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:35,416
And save space for Frances'
famous edible desserts, like biscotti...
241
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,334
...cannabisoli...
242
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,462
...and pot.
243
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:44,133
At Salvatore's...
244
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:48,137
-When you're high, you're family.
-When you're high, you're family.
245
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:57,605
[chanting] Hey, hey, ho, ho!
Unfair drug laws gotta go!
246
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:01,650
[crowd on computer] Hey, hey, ho, ho!
Unfair drug laws gotta go!
247
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,821
Hey, hey, ho, ho!
Unfair drug laws gotta go!
248
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,910
Ruth, can we chat about something
that I'm sure is not a problem?
249
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,747
Can it be a problem?
I'm focused on problems right now.
250
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,709
Travis and I were talking about
the fifty-fifty split
251
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:22,129
-for the Shitball business.
-Great. You're working it out.
252
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:25,007
Yeah. It's cool to be the first person
in my family
253
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,051
to make money selling drugs legally.
254
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,093
[both chuckle]
255
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:32,806
It's just that I'm new at this,
and I'm not sure it's a good deal.
256
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,435
Talk to Travis about it.
I'm staying out of the way.
257
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:37,561
Oh, okay.
258
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,188
I mean, I love you, but
259
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,981
[chuckles] I'm saving the world here.
260
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,817
-[chuckles] I understand.
-Uh-huh.
261
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,029
"Fracking." What is that, anyway?
262
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,658
I'm not sure, but Mark Ruffalo hates it,
and I love that guy.
263
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,037
Okay, well, thank you for your time.
264
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:57,957
[Ruth on computer]
Hey, hey, ho, ho!
265
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,584
She asked for help and you said no!
266
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,211
Hey, hey, ho, ho!
267
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,463
She asked for help and you said no!
268
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,342
-What are you doing here?
-I'm protesting you.
269
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:12,596
But why? I'm getting back
to who I was when I was you.
270
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,474
I'm fighting for what's right.
Check out my board.
271
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,601
That's just a bunch of headlines.
272
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,062
"South Pacific Trash Island?
273
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,313
Polar ice caps?
274
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,190
Russian dressing"?
275
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,777
Oh, crap.
That should say "Russian hacking."
276
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,195
I'd just had a Reuben.
277
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,615
Everything here is 1000 miles away.
278
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,159
Remember what you said at Berkeley?
279
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,620
"I am banging Santana tonight"?
280
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:38,956
Before that.
281
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,459
You said, "Think globally, act locally."
282
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,336
I did say that.
283
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,630
Fuck, that's good.
284
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,218
What you fought for
when you were me was people.
285
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,678
Like Olivia.
286
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,639
Oh, you mean that Shitball thing?
287
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:59,476
How is that important?
It's a cookie that looks like a turd.
288
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,938
She's afraid she'll get
screwed over by the Man.
289
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,023
The Man is my son Travis.
290
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,275
Wait, I have a son?
291
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,192
Yeah.
292
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:12,322
-This is what happened--
-Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised.
293
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,366
Oh, you'll be surprised.
294
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,582
[Dabby chuckling]
295
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:25,669
Looks like somebody likes
his 4/20 present.
296
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:28,505
Baby Dank likey baby bottle bong.
297
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,507
-[both laugh]
-Thank you, white mommy.
298
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,508
[both laughing]
299
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,476
[both] Whoa.
300
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,394
This could be my brain talking,
301
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,396
but I think something's going on.
302
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,317
Yeah. Yeah, there's definitely
something up with Jenny and Carter.
303
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,945
And if I'm right,
I'm correct about what it is.
304
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:52,863
Okay.
305
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,159
Huh.
306
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,119
Weed, weed.
307
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,749
Let's see what kind of weed
would I want...
308
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,709
today.
309
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,838
-Uh, well, we have a special on--
-Cut the shit.
310
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,049
Now, hottie to hottie.
311
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:17,137
-You and Carter are doing it, right?
-What? Us? No. No.
312
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,264
Oh, okay, all right.
313
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:23,977
Maybe you'll feel more comfortable
opening up to my friend...
314
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,231
President Five Dollar Bill?
315
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,403
-Carter.
-Oh, shit.
316
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,573
Hottie to hottie.
317
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,494
I know what's going on with you and Jenny.
318
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,454
[stuttering] And what might that be?
319
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,747
Oh.
320
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:49,002
See the way she looks at you,
that gleam in her eye, it's obvious, man.
321
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,797
She trying to kill you, brother.
322
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,676
Okay, all right.
323
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:59,054
Since you are not going out with Carter,
324
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:04,143
you won't mind if I just happen
to toss a bucket of Dabby chum
325
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,228
into Lake Carter, huh?
326
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:08,147
-Oh, God, please stop. No.
-[chuckles]
327
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:15,028
Maybe take him deep-sea Dabby diving
in search of some West Coast panty-oyster.
328
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:18,073
-Okay. Here's $5. Stop.
-Oh!
329
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,410
Shit, man.
Least I got some money out of this.
330
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,995
Thanks. [laughs]
331
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,497
Here's the plan. This is The Bodyguard.
332
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,458
You're Whitney Houston,
and I'm Field of Dreams dude,
333
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,503
and if you build it,
I will always love you.
334
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:39,052
You're gonna carry me out of a nightclub
and make love to me on a baseball field?
335
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,307
Sometimes you just talk nonsense.
336
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,480
Whoa. [chuckles]
337
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:51,982
Nice punch, killer.
338
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,152
Don't patronize me, Douglas.
I know it was terrible.
339
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,779
Like everything else I do.
340
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,074
Pete, take a knee.
341
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,168
I'm sensing a great sadness in you.
342
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:15,172
-Yeah, I'm very sad.
-Yes, I knew that. I sensed that.
343
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:16,590
Come on.
344
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,635
Take another knee.
345
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,850
Is there anything you wanna say
to your fath--? [grunts]
346
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,020
Combat-sports instructor?
347
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,148
I feel weird talking to you about it.
348
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,693
I know you think of me as a guy
who punches and kicks,
349
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:40,530
but I want you to know
that I have a black belt... in listening.
350
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:48,330
I've worked so hard,
but I don't even know why I'm here.
351
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,334
-You're not thinking about quitting?
-I feel like I can't grow anymore.
352
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,963
Every martial-arts student
faces a moment like this.
353
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,047
-Really?
-Yes.
354
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,924
Let me tell you a story, okay?
355
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:04,012
When I was your age, I failed to medal
in the Lil' Kix Invitational in La Cañada.
356
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,268
That's when I thought about
hanging up the gi forever,
357
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:12,229
and going to work for my cousin Spencer
at his Popeyes franchise.
358
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:13,313
Wow.
359
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,357
-Popeyes is good. Yeah.
-Yeah.
360
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,402
-I love their biscuits.
-Aw, yeah, the biscuits.
361
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:20,737
The fried chicken is New Orleans-style.
362
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,072
Yeah, yeah.
363
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,534
-Popcorn shrimp.
-Yeah, top-notch.
364
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:27,953
-I get the chicken-shrimp combo.
-With a biscuit?
365
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,163
All the combos come with biscuits.
366
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:34,710
Here's the point.
367
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:39,881
In that moment of doubt,
I knew what I was born to do.
368
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,092
I was down, but I wasn't done.
369
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:44,886
I was gonna keep on growing.
370
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:48,265
If you stop growing, Pete,
you stop being who you are.
371
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,185
You're right. I do have to keep growing.
372
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,981
I'm lucky you're in my life,
Tae Kwon Douglas.
373
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,190
Yeah, we both are.
374
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:02,112
I'm starting to cramp.
I'm not gonna lie.
375
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:05,490
What do you say
we turn those knees into feet?
376
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,491
-Yeah.
-All right.
377
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,617
[yells]
378
00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:10,787
That's an advanced move.
I wouldn't try that yet.
379
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,417
Now... you show me your growth.
380
00:22:16,626 --> 00:22:18,545
-[grunts]
-Oh.
381
00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:20,547
-Welcome back. [chuckles]
-Thanks.
382
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,218
So, all the combos come with biscuits?
383
00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:28,138
And slaw, Pete. And slaw.
384
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:31,475
Yeah.
385
00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:35,145
[crowd cheering]
386
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:41,276
Basically, this contract says
we split the profits fifty-fifty.
387
00:22:42,652 --> 00:22:46,615
-You're not too high to read, are you?
-Am I supposed to read this?
388
00:22:47,657 --> 00:22:51,036
Sorry I'm late. I had to get my suit
out of the dry cleaners.
389
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,622
Can you believe
it's been there since 2004?
390
00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:56,249
Oh, fuck it.
391
00:22:58,376 --> 00:22:59,419
What did I miss?
392
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:02,172
Nothing, Mom.
You know I've got this covered.
393
00:23:02,255 --> 00:23:06,510
Well, I'm sure you think you do.
But my client is not signing anything.
394
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:09,221
What do you mean, your client?
You mean Olivia?
395
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:12,140
Yeah. I'm gonna help her fight the Man.
396
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,267
Even though the Man is my son.
397
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:16,478
[laughing]
398
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:17,979
No fucking way.
399
00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:20,732
Mom. What are you doing?
400
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,401
You did a great job
of letting me be in charge.
401
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,987
You still are.
I'm not here as your partner.
402
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,407
I'm here as Olivia's lawyer,
who's gonna bend your ass over
403
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,660
and make you scream for your mommy.
404
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,788
But you're my mommy.
405
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:40,544
Now, my client is the sole proprietor
of the corporation Nana's Fudge Swirls,
406
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:42,337
DBA Olivia's Shitballs.
407
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,881
As such, my client demands
408
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:48,468
that her portion of the profits
be no less than 120 percent.
409
00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:50,971
That's not mathematically possible.
410
00:23:51,054 --> 00:23:53,723
Oh, I see, I'm a woman. I can't do math.
411
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,933
We're walking.
412
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,145
Whoa. If we're walking, I need a second.
413
00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:02,399
Stop. Listen. Just wait, come on.
Be reasonable.
414
00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:05,944
Well, then give me a reasonable split.
I'm thinking 70/30.
415
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:07,445
[Travis sighs]
416
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,656
Fine, 70/30.
417
00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:10,740
Yes.
418
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:13,285
Which one do I get?
419
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:15,328
[playing harmonica]
420
00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:16,788
[scatting]
421
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:24,004
-Hey, hey, hey, Maria?
-Yeah, yeah.
422
00:24:24,087 --> 00:24:25,005
Stop.
423
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,092
I just learned to play this in prison.
424
00:24:29,676 --> 00:24:32,804
It's a little something
called the blues, Carter.
425
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:35,223
Maybe one day you'll understand.
426
00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:43,565
Thank you, Ruth.
Never had anyone fight for me.
427
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:46,526
Oh, you deserve it.
Besides, it wasn't hard.
428
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:49,571
This guy brought his pussy
to a dick fight.
429
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:51,072
Jesus, Mom.
430
00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:55,952
You're right, I'm out of line.
Pussy always beats dick.
431
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,498
-Then what beats pussy?
-Nothing beats pussy.
432
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,209
[playing harmonica]
433
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:06,630
-Carter, help me fix this pricing gun?
-Sure.
434
00:25:06,713 --> 00:25:07,756
Gun!
435
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:12,844
[slowly] No.
436
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,516
What the fuck is happening?
437
00:25:19,142 --> 00:25:22,020
Oh, shit. It's Slo-Mo Dank.
438
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:25,023
He's gonna fuck you up once he gets there.
439
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:26,942
Yeah, baby.
440
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,194
-What?
-He thinks you're trying to kill me.
441
00:25:29,277 --> 00:25:33,782
[slowly] Not on my watch.
442
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:37,202
Dank, I'm not trying to kill him.
443
00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:39,496
Oh, shit.
444
00:25:44,417 --> 00:25:46,294
-We're dating, all right?
-We're a couple.
445
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:47,462
Aw.
446
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,007
-[all cheering]
-Juicy-ass kiss.
447
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:54,928
Jesus Christ, people, grow up.
448
00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:56,304
-Yeah. Mm-hm.
-Thank you.
449
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,348
I'm just fucking with you.
450
00:25:58,431 --> 00:25:59,849
[chanting] Chocolate wontons!
451
00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:03,019
[all] Chocolate wontons!
452
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:04,437
[playing harmonica]
453
00:26:04,521 --> 00:26:06,022
Chocolate wontons!
454
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,192
Chocolate wontons!
455
00:26:10,610 --> 00:26:12,445
Chocolate wontons!
456
00:26:14,572 --> 00:26:17,200
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
457
00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:19,703
♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪
458
00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:22,289
♪ The world seems light
And I'm so right ♪
459
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,541
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
460
00:26:24,624 --> 00:26:27,002
♪ I'm gonna put my nickel
In a slot machine ♪
461
00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:29,379
♪ And play my solid sender ♪
462
00:26:29,462 --> 00:26:32,424
♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie-Q ♪
463
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:34,217
♪ 'Cause I'm on bender ♪
464
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:36,761
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
465
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:39,139
♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
466
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:42,225
♪ I got my roach around
I can't come down ♪
467
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:43,768
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪