1
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:12,178
[grunts] Oh, God. What's up, YouTube?
2
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,306
We're hiking in the
Angeles National Forest.
3
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,935
-And it's a huge fucking mistake.
-Yeah. Yeah.
4
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,564
White people, I love you,
but I don't get why you do this shit.
5
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,315
-[insect buzzing]
-For one thing,
6
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:29,070
we don't see any forest.
All we see are these trees. Oh.
7
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,698
Yeah, and we had to walk
all the way up here.
8
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:34,242
Like, when the fuck does
the hiking start?
9
00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:38,663
Yeah, we have been out here for so long.
10
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,833
I know. Good thing we brought
this canteen shit.
11
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,960
[Dabby groaning]
12
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,088
Whoo!
13
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:52,510
All right, YouTube, we're gonna check in
with you in a little bit.
14
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,428
[Dabby grunting]
15
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,142
I'm getting cottonmouth, boo.
16
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,646
I wish we brought something
to keep water in.
17
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,817
Oh. Or Mountain Dew.
18
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,780
That's another thing about the woods.
There's no fucking 7-Elevens.
19
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,742
-Hang on, baby.
-What?
20
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,078
There's Mountain Dew everywhere.
21
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,499
We are in the mountains.
22
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,878
Oh, shit!
23
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,631
[Witch Cross' "Face of a Clown" playing]
24
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,181
♪ He's hiding in the shadows
When the moon is on the rise ♪
25
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,434
♪ Preparing for his evil making ♪
26
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,397
♪ Face of a clown ♪
27
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:50,068
♪ Mind of a madman ♪
28
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,696
♪ Dress of a jester ♪
29
00:01:54,364 --> 00:02:00,203
♪ Intentions of a killer ♪
30
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,728
[Dabby groaning]
31
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,317
Oh, my God. Mountain Dew is so good
when it's fresh.
32
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,277
Hell, yeah.
33
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,284
What the heck are you two doing?
34
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,871
We're licking Mountain Dew off the grass.
35
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,624
Yeah, what does it look like, asshole?
36
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,834
[laughs]
37
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,880
[Trixie Smith's
"Jack, I'm Mellow" playing]
38
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,174
♪ I'm so high... ♪
39
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,803
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
40
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,099
[Ruth] Hey.
41
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:07,228
Have either one of you ever heard
of something called CNNN?
42
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,106
Yeah, sure. Cannabis News Network Now.
43
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:16,362
It's the top online source for cannabis
news, sports, weather and traffic.
44
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,116
Well, they just e-mailed me,
45
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:23,870
and they wanna interview the two of you
about Olivia's Shitballs.
46
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,707
You kidding? That's fantastic.
Free publicity.
47
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:32,211
I don't know. [chuckles] I don't have
a good history with reporters.
48
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,756
What's that mean?
49
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,174
[sighs]
50
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,260
Guys, this is a place of trust, right?
51
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:47,644
Absolutely.
52
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,858
All right. Well, a few years ago, I got
53
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,445
-kind of famous on the Internet.
-Whoa. Hold on, we wanna hear this.
54
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,534
I'm the Whatnot Girl.
55
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:09,582
-Holy shit!
-Holy shit! You are the Whatnot Girl.
56
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,627
How could you not tell us
you're the Whatnot Girl?
57
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:15,797
-Hang on. The Whatnot-what?
-[chuckles] It was this viral video
58
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,758
-from a few years back.
-Hold up-- Oh, here. Okay.
59
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,137
This quiet street in Maynard
got a little less quiet today
60
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:27,350
when a 1200-pound guest
decided to pay a visit.
61
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,520
We're out back at the church
drinking pop and whatnot,
62
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,147
and me and Trish heard
squealing and whatnot.
63
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,608
We went around to the front
and saw people
64
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,235
running and screaming and whatnot.
65
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,655
[exhales] Turns out they were
running away from this hog.
66
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:45,702
I've seen some hogs and whatnot, but this
one was just going wild and whatnot.
67
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,036
[all laughing]
68
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,123
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Still hilarious.
69
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,750
-"And whatnot."
-[all laughing]
70
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:57,630
Can't believe that's you.
I was Whatnot Girl for Halloween.
71
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,424
-What?
-[Carter] Oh, my God.
72
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,592
I mean, we even watched it overseas.
73
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:05,471
A buddy took a stray round and was like,
"I got shot in the ass and whatnot."
74
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,348
[all laughing]
75
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,143
Oh, come on. That's enough teasing.
76
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,520
'Cause Olivia's come a long way
since then and whatnot.
77
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:13,980
[all laughing]
78
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,523
Even Ruth! Even Ruth!
79
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,234
[cell phone rings]
80
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,570
[chuckles] Hello?
81
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,197
All right, Dabby, slow down.
82
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,283
That's too slow.
83
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,411
Uh-huh.
84
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,079
Uh-huh.
85
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,290
Dank and Dabby got arrested.
86
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,877
Quick question. How did you get my number?
87
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,679
-Good morning, Carter.
-Morning, Pete.
88
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,056
Holy shit-fucking--!
89
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,224
Uh...
90
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,894
-What's wrong?
-Oh, no.
91
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:57,106
No, no, no. What happened to you?
92
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:03,946
[in deep voice] Did you do this?
93
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,909
First of all,
take that bass out your voice.
94
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:09,994
And, no.
95
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,289
Damn it. She's dead.
96
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,710
Hey. Okay. A plant died.
That kind of thing happens, right?
97
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:18,753
Not to me.
98
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,757
-This is the curse.
-Oh, shit, here we go.
99
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,718
When I broke up with Mary Jane,
100
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:29,680
the spiritual embodiment
of the marijuana plant, she cursed me.
101
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:33,810
This girlfriend that broke up with you,
she's imaginary?
102
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:37,313
Yes, she's imaginary,
but her curse is real!
103
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,482
And I broke up with her, okay?
104
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,441
God.
105
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,651
Morning, Jenny!
106
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,239
I don't-- What's this?
107
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,533
I don't know. My mother sent it to me.
108
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,451
-She's talking to you again?
-No,
109
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,787
this box just showed up out of nowhere.
110
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:56,415
God. What if it's the stuff
I still keep in my room at home?
111
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,584
That means she's done with me forever.
112
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,712
What stuff you keep in your room?
Hello Kitty shit?
113
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:05,341
Wow. Way to stereotype me. [scoffs]
114
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,971
It's just a few things I got at KittyCon.
115
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,518
I don't think I wanna open this box.
116
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,353
You want me to Hurt Locker it?
117
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:20,815
Did it turn out okay
when they opened things in Hurt Locker?
118
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,483
At times.
119
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,612
You might wanna back up. [exhales]
120
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:34,495
[grunts] I don't see any Hello Kitty shit.
121
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,039
But there's something called
an Instant Pot.
122
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:41,294
She sent me an Instant Pot?!
Oh, my God!
123
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,671
-There's no note.
-I don't need a note.
124
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:44,964
Her message is clear:
125
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:49,427
"Jenny, you are someone who deserves
a seven-in-one cooking device."
126
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:54,223
That's like "I love you" in Chinese Mom!
127
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,725
[sobbing]
128
00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:01,564
Okay, well, it's a pressure cooker
and a Crock-Pot.
129
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,484
-And it steams!
-Oh, yes, it does, baby.
130
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,819
It does. It does steam.
131
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,074
Thanks for bailing us out, Ruth.
You were our only hope.
132
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:16,037
Yeah, we only got one phone call,
and I used mine on Domino's.
133
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,288
[Dabby chuckling]
134
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,166
Also, thanks for paying for the pizza.
135
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,253
You morons have really
stepped in it this time.
136
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:28,299
I've smoked weed everywhere
in the world you're not supposed to.
137
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:33,804
The Reagan Library, the Reagan
White House, Nancy Reagan's funeral.
138
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,892
Even I never thought of smoking weed
in a national forest
139
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,977
20 feet from a ranger station.
140
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:43,022
Oh. Don't be so hard on yourself, Ruth.
141
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,107
Yeah, you'd have thought of it eventually.
142
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,108
[Dabby chuckles]
143
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:50,780
You are probably looking at a big fine,
plus some community service.
144
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:55,368
Oh, I can't service a whole community.
It's hard enough just servicing Dank.
145
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,497
Fuck community service.
I got better things to do--
146
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:03,042
Oh, shit. Look at those guys in
orange vests spear-fishing for trash.
147
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,211
That looks fun as hell.
148
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,383
Come on, Ruth. Can't you do
some lawyer shit and get us out of this?
149
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,678
No, no, no. I'll walk you through
what you need to know
150
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,263
for your court appearance.
151
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:18,683
But I'm not your lawyer.
I'm also not your limo driver.
152
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,560
One of you could've sat up front.
153
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,813
If I did that, then how could Dabby
have her hand down my pants?
154
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,189
[Dabby chuckling]
155
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,858
Yeah, we're just trying to be respectful.
156
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,820
[Dabby chuckling]
157
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,738
Jesus Christ.
158
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,574
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.
159
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,329
Welcome to "Strain O' The Day."
160
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,917
Do you love smoking weed, but wish
you could still operate heavy machinery?
161
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:49,755
Tired of choosing between getting high
and supervising your children?
162
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:55,219
Then try Buds Lite, the new family
of strains from Ruth's Alternative Caring.
163
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,514
These strains have all the great taste
as regular cannabis,
164
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,725
but with one-third the THC.
165
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,561
-Smokes great.
-Less crippling paranoia!
166
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:08,232
For example, if Pineapple Express
hits you too fast,
167
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:12,278
enjoy a slower, more scenic high
with Pineapple Local.
168
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:18,409
All the stops, including East Pineapple,
Pineapple Heights, Yankee Stadium.
169
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:23,205
You can change strains [laughs]
at Pineapple Square.
170
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:29,253
Maui Waui too overwhelming?
Try Maui Meh.
171
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,799
It's-- It's fine.
172
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,304
If Bruce Banner makes you feel like
you're turning into The Hulk,
173
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:39,764
try Bruce Jenner.
174
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:48,189
You'll feel like you're turning into
something you've always been, deep inside.
175
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:53,694
So, swing on by, you pussies, and see
if you can at least handle Buds Lite.
176
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,199
[sighs] You wanna smoke this?
177
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,827
No, my kids are at their grandparents',
let's go blaze real shit.
178
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:09,877
People think that gap-toothed
piece of white trash looks like you?
179
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,172
Maria, that is me.
180
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:15,132
Oh, my God, adorable.
181
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,929
Just got off the phone with CNNN.
182
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,264
They need an answer.
183
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:26,394
I don't know. I spent a long time
trying to escape Whatnot Girl.
184
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:30,731
Oh, I had my 15 minutes of shame, too,
Olivia. It's no biggie.
185
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,734
Fine, I'll tell you.
186
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:39,615
Girls Gone Wild: Mardi Gras Edition,
18 minutes in.
187
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,786
Spoiler alert:
I brought my own beads. [chuckles]
188
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,332
I tossed them up in the air,
caught them and then:
189
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,751
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
190
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,550
Come on, Olivia, let's do this.
191
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:02,263
What if someone recognizes me?
Being Whatnot Girl was a nightmare.
192
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:03,931
Look, I get it.
193
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,641
True story,
194
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:09,979
there was this kid in my high school
who had this really bad facial twitch.
195
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:13,315
If he was up in front talking,
he'd just start going like--
196
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,902
We called him Twitch.
197
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,405
Then Twitch made valedictorian,
198
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,574
he had to give a speech
in front of 800 people.
199
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:25,453
-And he didn't twitch once.
-No. He twitched his ass off.
200
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,247
But he got through that speech.
201
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,583
And from that day forward,
nobody beat him up.
202
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,836
Because everyone graduated.
203
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,798
Why you gotta take away Twitch's win?
204
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:43,179
Stupid YouTube pulled
my Girls Gone Wild link again.
205
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,390
-Here's a still.
-[yells]
206
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:48,517
Oh.
207
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,812
Your Del Taco order comes to 5.38.
208
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,526
Oh, shit.
209
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,070
Is that enough?
210
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,114
Do you guys take Canadian euros?
211
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,200
Couldn't you be cool about this?
212
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:08,162
If that's not enough,
I don't have to eat all of my taco.
213
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:10,956
Wait, when was I even in Canadia?
214
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,292
Could I trade some
video-game knowledge?
215
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,336
You're being such a dick.
216
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,050
[announcer] Del Taco.
Food in exchange for money.
217
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,387
Why?!
218
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,807
Why?!
219
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,727
Take me instead!
220
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:37,775
-Don't mind me, I'm just grabbing--
-Three more plants are dead! I'm cursed!
221
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,735
Everything I touch dies!
222
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,696
I'm sorry, honey. Um...
223
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,533
Want a Fruit Roll-Up?
There's riddles on them.
224
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,618
[gasps] Yes, please.
225
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:48,869
So, what's going on?
226
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:54,458
Maria, there's no job in the whole world
227
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,336
that is more stressful
than growing marijuana.
228
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:03,300
I mean, anybody who's ever done it
is either dead or will die.
229
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:05,970
Poor Pete.
230
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:09,431
My husband Jim went through
a funk like this.
231
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,934
Stressed out,
snapping at me for no reason.
232
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,395
But then we hired my housekeeper, Rosita.
233
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,606
And, suddenly, he was just happier,
you know?
234
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,570
Yeah, it was like having
a 23-year-old former gymnast in the house
235
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,572
just somehow changed the energy.
236
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:30,077
Maybe Jim was stressed out
because you had to do all the housework.
237
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:34,790
Exactly. Exactly. Now that Rosita's here,
he always wants me to go out.
238
00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:36,834
Get "me time," you know?
239
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,713
He sends me to the movies,
gets my nails done.
240
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:44,133
"Get out of here, you! Go on!"
[chuckles] You know?
241
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,094
"Be sure to call me
when you're 15 minutes from home."
242
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,012
[Maria chuckles]
243
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:54,518
Once, he got me a weekend in Portland,
you know? Just me and the kids.
244
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,607
-He sounds like a good man.
-He is. He really is.
245
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:04,862
I'm sorry, we were talking about you.
246
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:05,821
Right, yeah.
247
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,991
Why?!
248
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,872
This thing makes porridge. That's dope.
249
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,709
My mom sent me a picture
of my sister with the caption,
250
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,836
"Look who gained five pounds."
251
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,756
I'm the favorite again.
Suck it, Fat Brenda!
252
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:30,012
Your mom doesn't speak to you for months,
she sends some kitchen appliance,
253
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,724
-and, suddenly, you two are all good?
-Yeah, isn't it awesome?
254
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:38,479
Well, in therapy, we talk a lot about
the only way to deal with a problem
255
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:42,399
-is open and honest communication.
-We're Chinese. We're not that into words.
256
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,235
Our words aren't even words.
They're pictures.
257
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,781
-You're gonna pretend this never happened?
-Exactly. Problem solved.
258
00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:53,285
-Isn't that how your family does it?
-Let's not talk about my family.
259
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,329
Wait, wait. [chuckles]
260
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:59,083
Mr. Therapy's happy to talk about
my family and not about his?
261
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,086
Fair enough.
262
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,338
-You get three questions.
-Really?
263
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,840
-That's one, now you got two.
-Oh, damn it.
264
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,429
-Do you talk to your parents?
-Yes.
265
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,810
Not that often.
They live on an Army base in Germany.
266
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:18,894
Last question.
267
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:26,402
What's the most meaningful thing
your parents ever gave you?
268
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:34,827
When I turned 18...
269
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:41,083
my father gave me this pocket knife.
It's like the one he used in the Army.
270
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:46,964
He's not much of a talker,
so, this knife said a lot.
271
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,761
That night, I went to my room
and I cried my eyes out.
272
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,812
Uh, this does not leave the roof,
by the way.
273
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:09,278
Honey, do you see how your pocket knife
is my Instant Pot?
274
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,532
I'd answer that,
but you're out of questions.
275
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,163
First piece of free legal advice,
276
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,916
when you go to court later,
don't wear that.
277
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:31,508
Uh, Ruth, I don't think you understand.
We're dressed as judges.
278
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,386
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
279
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,222
They're not gonna lock up
one of their own.
280
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,599
[both laughing]
281
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,642
That would be clearly-- Forsooth!
282
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,020
-Forsooth! Forsooth!
-Hey, give me that.
283
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,522
That's a meat tenderizer.
284
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:49,193
Ooh. Meat tenderizer.
That's my new nickname for Dabby.
285
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,487
[laughing]
286
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:56,200
Your Honor,
you are guilty of being a genius!
287
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,661
-Take me to your chambers, girl.
-I'll show you my chambers.
288
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,579
Hey!
289
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,332
Okay.
290
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:07,753
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna stand up, plead guilty,
291
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,756
you're gonna accept your punishment
and go home.
292
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,674
Here's how it's not gonna go.
293
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,010
You're not gonna make out in court.
294
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:19,139
You're not gonna quote famous lines
from courtroom movies,
295
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,308
like, "You can't handle the truth."
296
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,018
What if they fucking can't?
297
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,856
All right. You know--
298
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,193
[laughs] There's no way
I'm ever gonna regret this,
299
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,487
but I'll come to court with you.
300
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,865
Oh! We thought that might happen.
301
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,868
That's why we brought a third
judge costume.
302
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:48,001
[announcer] This is CNNN.
303
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,339
Twenty-four hours a week,
seven days a month.
304
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,426
Hi. I'm Sabine Dortmunder.
305
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,930
I'm here with Travis and Olivia
from Olivia's Shitballs.
306
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:06,520
This is one of the best edibles
I've ever had.
307
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:09,148
-Thank you, Sabine.
-Yeah, thanks.
308
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:15,237
No wonder Munchie Monthly put this on
its list of Ten Snacks to Watch This Year.
309
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,324
We're really honored.
310
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:28,959
Olivia, you seem really familiar to me.
Have I seen you before?
311
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,087
Uh, no, I'm pretty sure
you haven't. [chuckles]
312
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,340
Well, except on the Shitballs box.
313
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,800
-That's her. [chuckles]
-Right.
314
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,554
No, it's the voice, too.
Keep talking, I'll get it.
315
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:42,264
Uh...
316
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:46,935
Well, you see, what happened was, Olivia
came in and brought some fudge swirls
317
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,897
that her nana used to make for her
back in Iowa.
318
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,356
Iowa.
319
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,402
Olivia, tell me more about your childhood.
320
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,070
It's not that interesting.
321
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,824
I grew up in a little place
called Maynard, you know?
322
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,076
Kind of town where you
hang out with your friends
323
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,953
at the Dairy Queen and whatnot.
324
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,834
[chuckling nervously]
325
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,502
I don't mean and whatnot.
326
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,129
I mean, and so forth and whatnot.
327
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,714
[laughing]
328
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:20,344
I'm sorry,
this is, like, driving me crazy.
329
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,722
-Are you an actress?
-Yes. You got me. I do porn.
330
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:32,606
That's where you've seen me. Don't be
embarrassed, everyone watches porn.
331
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,109
-Olivia, what are you doing?
-Travis, it's fine.
332
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:39,446
I do hardcore, softcore porn,
lesbian and whatnot.
333
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,163
[Ruth] Let me guess.
334
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:51,667
You dressed like each other
so you can confuse the judge.
335
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:52,751
[Dabby chuckles]
336
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:56,672
No, so we can confuse ourselves.
337
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,050
That way we have reasonable doubt.
338
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:01,677
Whoa!
339
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:03,845
[Dabby chuckles]
340
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,807
Let me do all the talking.
We'll plead guilty.
341
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:09,101
We'll be out of here in a few minutes.
342
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:13,605
And look what I got. Coloring books.
343
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,066
Yo, Space Ghost!
344
00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:17,651
Oh!
345
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:20,946
Disney princesses! With stickers!
346
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:26,618
Hi. I'm Ruth Whitefeather Feldman,
347
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,539
-representing the defendants.
-Carol Harris, United States Attorney.
348
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,834
As you can see,
my clients are basically children.
349
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:39,798
I mean, sure, they made a mistake.
But they're not criminals.
350
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,801
Except for the part
where they broke federal law.
351
00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,553
We're willing to make a deal.
352
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:48,015
Maybe lower the fine,
forget the community service.
353
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,600
Trust me. You don't want them
loose in the community.
354
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:55,647
Ms. Feldman, your clients were found
in possession of a Schedule 1 narcotic
355
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,692
-in a national forest.
-Yeah, but it's pot.
356
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,987
Which we see as no different
from LSD or heroin.
357
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:04,614
Yeah, but it's pot.
358
00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:08,952
Your clients are lucky
I'm not asking for jail time.
359
00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:12,664
Yeah, but it's pot.
360
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,295
I am certain that I know you.
361
00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:22,799
It's, like, you are on the tip
of my brain-tongue.
362
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:27,721
Maybe we should just change
the subject and whatnot.
363
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,266
Help me, I can't stop.
364
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,560
Yeah, let's get back to the Shitballs.
365
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,819
Well, we really believe
366
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:46,865
that, uh, the edible market
will continue to expand as...
367
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:54,372
As more and more people from all walks
of life begin to integrate cannabis into--
368
00:22:58,001 --> 00:23:00,754
You know, their, uh-- Their lifestyles.
369
00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:04,341
Are you okay?
Did you have too many Shitballs?
370
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,177
No, it's not the Shitballs--
371
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:14,059
No, he's just trying to distract you
from me because...
372
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,646
I'm the Whatnot Girl.
373
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,483
Oh, my God.
374
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:25,153
The Whatnot Girl. Of course.
375
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,988
Yeah, that's me.
376
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,117
I can't believe it. [chuckles]
377
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,661
The Whatnot Girl is a porn star.
378
00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,456
No, no. [chuckles] No.
379
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,792
No, I'm-- [chuckles] I'm sorry.
380
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:44,089
I'm not a porn star--
For God's sakes, she knows who I am,
381
00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:46,508
-you can stop twitching.
-No, I can't.
382
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:50,971
I'm the twitching valedictorian.
383
00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:58,061
We've got 40 viewers right now!
You guys just doubled our audience!
384
00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:05,986
-Are your clients ready to enter a plea?
-They are.
385
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:13,910
Your Honor, my clients are accused
of being on federal property
386
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:16,997
while smoking marijuana,
a therapeutic substance,
387
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:21,042
which this state has declared
permissible for adult use.
388
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:23,211
The problem is,
when it comes to marijuana,
389
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:26,798
the United States government
is living in the Dark Ages.
390
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,009
That's why we're gonna fight this.
391
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,846
My clients plead 100 percent not guilty.
392
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:33,847
-Yes!
-Yes!
393
00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:35,932
-We're not guilty!
-Oh, my God!
394
00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:37,517
You saved us!
395
00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,519
[both laughing]
396
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:43,773
And we pledge to continue
to hunt for the real stoners!
397
00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:45,317
[mimicking gunshots]
398
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:49,196
On your left!
399
00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:51,698
The government would be happy
to take this to trial.
400
00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:55,619
We'll seek the maximum penalties
up to and including prison.
401
00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:58,747
Oh, shit.
402
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:04,252
-Wait, what just happened?
-Don't worry, we're okay.
403
00:25:04,794 --> 00:25:06,171
I'll see you in court.
404
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,050
I thought this was court.
405
00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:29,152
"Enjoy these Shitballs and whatnot."
406
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,157
-There you go.
-That's awesome.
407
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:37,202
-Can I take a selfie with you?
-Oh, dude. Of course.
408
00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:40,789
Could you be twitching?
409
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:44,709
Happy to.
410
00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:47,420
[shutter clicks]
411
00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:48,672
Thanks.
412
00:25:49,547 --> 00:25:52,342
Hey, Dad, it's me.
Uh, guess you're out and about...
413
00:25:52,425 --> 00:25:55,387
but, uh... it's been a while.
414
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,139
Called to say hey.
415
00:25:58,265 --> 00:25:59,140
Um...
416
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,269
I'm good. Things are good.
417
00:26:03,603 --> 00:26:04,437
Better.
418
00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:10,318
Oh, hey, Pop. You won't believe this,
I work with the Whatnot Girl. [chuckles]
419
00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,451
Also, I know Mom's birthday is coming up,
420
00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:21,538
and I sent a, uh...
This thing called an Instant Pot.
421
00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:28,670
Anyway, uh...
422
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:31,006
give me a call.
423
00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:40,015
[Pete] No!
424
00:26:41,474 --> 00:26:43,310
I'm cursed!
425
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:47,147
Cursed!
426
00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:50,108
[Mary Jane cackling]
427
00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:54,988
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
428
00:26:55,071 --> 00:26:57,615
♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪
429
00:26:57,699 --> 00:27:00,201
♪ The world seems light
And I'm so right ♪
430
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:02,287
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
431
00:27:02,370 --> 00:27:04,831
♪ I'm gonna put my nickel
In a slot machine ♪
432
00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:07,250
♪ And play my solid sender ♪
433
00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:10,170
♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie-Q ♪
434
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:11,921
♪ 'Cause I'm on bender ♪
435
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:14,507
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
436
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,926
♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
437
00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:20,013
♪ I got my roach around
I can't come down ♪
438
00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:21,389
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪