1 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:13,263 [announcer] This is CNNN. 2 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,350 Breaking News Now. N. 3 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:22,147 Hello, I'm Sabine Dortmunder, and I'm outside. 4 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,650 And it's the trial of YouTube stoners Dank and Dabby. 5 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:31,114 Earlier this morning, the defendants and their attorney, Ruth Whitewater Feinstein, 6 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,741 arrived at court. 7 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:36,536 We believe our case is so strong that my clients will be cleared, 8 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:39,414 not only of this charge, but all future charges. 9 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:44,836 It's 8:30 in the morning. I haven't been up this early since Space Camp. 10 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:50,049 We wanna let all our fans know that Ruth made us dress like this. 11 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,886 And because Dabby had to tie my tie this morning, 12 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,221 we didn't have a chance to get it in. 13 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,434 We were gonna be joined by our legal analyst, Kenny, 14 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:02,687 but he's being a bitch about what happened at Burning Man. 15 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:06,107 Kenny, that guy was just painting a butterfly on my nipple 16 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,568 and, like, you don't fucking own me. 17 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:13,364 And live from New York, it's Saturday Night! 18 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,325 [theme music playing] 19 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,711 ♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪ 20 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,386 ♪ I'm the big boss man ♪ 21 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,430 ♪ With a ring of keys ♪ 22 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:43,353 ♪ Ready to face today's challenges Big boss man ♪ 23 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:49,400 ♪ What the--? What the hell is going on back there? ♪ 24 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,654 ♪ Gonna check it out now ♪ 25 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:01,121 Hey, Pete. It looks like you're weaving hemp from an old-timey loom. 26 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,455 [chuckles] 27 00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,833 Boy, you don't miss anything. 28 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,836 You wanna tell me why? 29 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:08,795 Oh. 30 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,925 At the compound, Elder Larry always said, "A man needs to have two skills." 31 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:17,095 So, I know how to grow marijuana and weave hemp. 32 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,431 Larry knows how to siphon gas at truck stops 33 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,601 and talk runaway girls into giving compound life a try. 34 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,398 So, you're not gonna grow marijuana anymore? 35 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,900 I can't. I'm cursed. 36 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,695 You're not. The plants died because of a fungus. 37 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:37,574 -A fungus I got from my ex-girlfriend. -How do you know you got it from her? 38 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,284 Because it hurts to pee! 39 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:44,247 So, what, now you're just gonna weave doormats? 40 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:48,209 [chuckles] Doormats. This is clothing. It's hemp wear. 41 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,503 Look, I made a shirt for Carter. 42 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:54,549 There's some shorts for Jenny. And this is Olivia's bra. 43 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,177 Yeah. And this... 44 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,346 is for you. 45 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,602 Sassy meets classy in this stylish poncho that'll turn heads 46 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:10,023 whether you're rocking out at Coachella or just strolling the streets of Paris. 47 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,066 [laughing] 48 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,946 -Try it on. Try it on. -Okay, yeah. Sure. 49 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,115 Oh, this is-- Um... 50 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,783 Oh-- Oh, wow. 51 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,368 Wow, this is-- 52 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:27,790 -Thank you. -[laughing] 53 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:28,791 You're welcome. 54 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,962 Just don't get it wet or the hemp weevils will lay eggs under your skin. 55 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:41,012 Ranger Titus, do you see the two people you apprehended in this courtroom? 56 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:41,971 Yes, I do. 57 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,265 And can you point to us, please? 58 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,851 Will you shut up?! 59 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,688 No, it's cool, Ruth. 'Cause when he points, we're gonna duck. 60 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:54,525 They'll have to convict the two assholes behind us. [laughing] 61 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,404 -They're right there. -Damn, he's fast. 62 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,615 -Oh, man. -Your witness. 63 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,493 Guys, Mommy's gotta go to work. Heads down. 64 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,124 Ranger Tight-ass. 65 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:11,626 Titus. 66 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,713 -Tight-ass. -Titus. 67 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,424 Sorry, I'm saying tight-ass. What am I missing? 68 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,467 Your Honor. 69 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,971 The court recognizes it's a funny name, move it along. 70 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:27,684 Ranger, when you came upon my clients in the woods, what did you see? 71 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,770 I saw them attempting to lick dew off the grass. 72 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,480 Then they spoke to me rudely 73 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,900 and the female dropped her pants, exposing her posterior 74 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,694 in an aggressive fashion. 75 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,572 But at no point did you actually witness them consuming marijuana. 76 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,324 I did not. 77 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,659 [both] Gasp! 78 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,160 Eh. 79 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,164 Your Honor, 80 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:54,502 it seems the government is desperate to persecute my clients for smoking pot, 81 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:58,089 but there's no evidence my clients were smoking anything. 82 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,383 Well, just the YouTube video. 83 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,344 I'm sorry, what? 84 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:08,141 Your Honor, we'd like to introduce the government's Exhibit A, 85 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,685 a YouTube video cryptically entitled 86 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:14,814 "Dank and Dabby Smoke Shit-tons of Weed in a National Forest." 87 00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:18,693 [coughing] 88 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:22,780 I'm so excited to be smoking in this national forest. 89 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,908 -Whoo! -I can barely believe it's me. [laughs] 90 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,786 But if you need proof, here's my ID. 91 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,959 You know, our friend Carter, he was in the Army, 92 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:40,048 and he died for our right to smoke marijuana in this national forest. 93 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,634 Support the troops, bitch. 94 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:46,054 -[laughing] -[yells] 95 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,931 Jesus, that's incriminating. [chuckles] 96 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:54,479 Your Honor, we're gonna need, like, pfft, I don't know, half an hour. 97 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:57,023 Take the rest of the day. Court's in recess. 98 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,483 -Recess. -Oh, shit. 99 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,735 -Let's go fuck on the see-saw. -Yeah. 100 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,618 I spent six years wearing full body armor in 100-degree heat 101 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,412 and this is the most uncomfortable I've ever been. 102 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,668 This hat feels like there are tiny bugs boring their way under my skin. 103 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,670 They're called hemp weevils. 104 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,131 Oh, fuck, no. 105 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,593 Travis, how do we get Pete over this curse? 106 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:29,430 Well, we know the curse is bullshit. Maybe to free him, 107 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,517 we have to come up with some equally bullshit ritual. 108 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:38,397 Olivia, say, "Ahoy," to your new boat neck tee. 109 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,816 -[Pete chuckles] -Oh, my God. 110 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:43,694 You'll set sail for style on the H.M.S. Snazzy. [chuckles] 111 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,239 Jenny, be right back with your Capri pants. 112 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,909 No man should talk like that. 113 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:55,540 Hello, everybody. Why do I look so miserable? I'm glad you asked. 114 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,293 I've spent months planning Connor's 6th birthday party 115 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,921 and now the little fucker has the shits. 116 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:04,549 I'm stuck with 1500 dollars' worth of party rentals 117 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:08,136 and a sick kid who poor Rosita has to take care of. 118 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,388 You know... 119 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:15,309 Pete grew up on that compound. He has no idea what a birthday party is. 120 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,105 Could be the bullshit we're looking for. 121 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,443 Why is that hat moving? 122 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,738 -No. -Oh, my God. 123 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:34,579 ♪ 'Cause I know I'm the big boss man Got a big-ass mug ♪ 124 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,960 -Mom? -Dabby, get your hand out of his pants. 125 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,047 You okay? 126 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,049 Yeah, I'm fine. 127 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:51,053 [sighs] Oh, fuck, I drooled all over my notes. 128 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,808 -Pulled an all-nighter? -I did. 129 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,977 Until I fell asleep after dinner. 130 00:07:58,853 --> 00:07:59,687 [Ruth sighs] 131 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,815 Well, I saw some of the trial coverage on CNNN. 132 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,903 You looked so nice. 133 00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,530 I got no chance to win. 134 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:14,076 I just wanted to make a point about the stupidity of the system, 135 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,704 but I overlooked the stupidity of my clients. 136 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,667 You know, I caught them having sex in my car. 137 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,836 What am I gonna do? 138 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,296 I would sell it. 139 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,258 I mean about Dank and Dabby. 140 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,179 Don't make it about them. Make it about the government. 141 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,058 Who knows better than us how much the feds are out to get pot smokers? 142 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,143 You remember our DEA pals. 143 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,146 They don't fight fair, and why should you? 144 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,148 Thank you, Travis. 145 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,109 You always know how to make me angry. 146 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,695 This time you did it on purpose. 147 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,953 Welcome to "Strain O' The Day." 148 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,455 It is my privilege to introduce 149 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:06,337 the Weed of Fortune. 150 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,880 I'm so pissed at you. 151 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,091 -Why? -Up until five minutes ago, 152 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,843 this was gonna be Erin Go Bud, an Irish strain, 153 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,971 and I had a whole thing prepared. 154 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,766 [in Irish accent] I've been working on me Irish accent all week, 155 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,476 [in Cockney accent] I have, governor. 156 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,691 We'll do that one next week. 157 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:30,569 From now on, every time you spend more than 20 bucks here at Ruth's, 158 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:34,907 you'll get to spin the wheel for a chance at unbelievable prizes. Such as-- 159 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,909 This isn't even a strain. 160 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,160 Because it's better! 161 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,414 You could win a free joint. 162 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:46,460 Or 10 percent off any glassware. Or a date with me, Travis. 163 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,089 Give it a spin. 164 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:07,898 Apparently this is gonna take a while. Since we have some time to kill... 165 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:08,858 Play me music. 166 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,818 [Irish jig music playing] 167 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,200 -Holy shit. -I told you I worked on this. 168 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,169 And now, for the big finish. 169 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,977 [hissing and rattling] 170 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,277 Things are really heating up here on day two at the courthouse, 171 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:57,823 where there's a guy who sells hot dogs wrapped in bacon. 172 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,079 Good job, guy. 173 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:09,877 Ranger Titus, are you familiar with the Twitter account Walker Titus Ranger? 174 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,588 Yes, that's my name. Walker Titus. 175 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:16,133 Though it's also a play on Walker, Texas Ranger. [chuckles] 176 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,763 Let the record reflect that the witness finds that clever. 177 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,893 And did you send the following tweet from that account? 178 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,022 "Meteor shower tonight in Angeles National Forest. 179 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,816 Gonna bust a lot of stoners. 180 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:35,111 Hashtag 'love my job.' Hashtag 'blessed.'" 181 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,445 [people murmuring] 182 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,407 [both] Murmur, murmur, murmur. 183 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,077 -Where is this going? -Your Honor, it is our contention 184 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,247 that the federal government is using this national forest, 185 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,291 with its natural splendor and beautiful views, 186 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,044 to lure cannabis users and then arrest them. 187 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,089 -It's a clear case of entrapment. -Are you serious? 188 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,716 Damn right I am, and there's a precedent. 189 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:03,556 In 1994, a state appeals court found that a Pink Floyd laser show 190 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:07,435 constituted a de facto sting operation targeting pot smokers. 191 00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:11,981 I remember that case. Griffith Park Planetarium v. Freaky Lou. 192 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,985 I fail to see the relevance to this case. 193 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,028 [mockingly] Well, you're about to, Carol. 194 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:24,243 Because this case is no longer about these two doe-eyed youngsters. 195 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,370 It is about the system. 196 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,458 I'm putting the entire National Park Service on trial. 197 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:35,880 -Hell, yeah. -Oh, hashtag "Suck my dick, Titus." 198 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:44,430 Why is hashtag "Suck my dick, Titus" trending? 199 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,810 So, everyone's hemp clothing got stolen on the same night? 200 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,353 Yeah. 201 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,773 [clears throat] But the good news is, we did some research, 202 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,735 we found an ancient ceremony that can lift a curse. 203 00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:02,198 I know, the Goat Blood Ceremony. I smeared it all over, it doesn't work. 204 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,409 This one's different. 205 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:10,039 Um, if you go through it, you'll be reborn without the curse. 206 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,458 Yeah. It's called a re-birthday. 207 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,794 I went to my friend's sweet 16 re-birthday 208 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:19,215 and the curse of my virginity was totally lifted. 209 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,053 -That does sound powerful. -Oh, it was. 210 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,804 Twice. 211 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,517 Liberation awaits you in the parking lot. 212 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,565 [inaudible dialogue] 213 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:53,999 -[Maria] Ta-da! -Oh, God! 214 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,751 Happy re-birthday, Pete! 215 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,005 [groaning] Who's that pink being? 216 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,217 Uh, that is a powerful ranger 217 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,761 to defend you from future curses. 218 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:06,679 Right? 219 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:07,638 [Pete] Oh. 220 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,431 Thank you. 221 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,812 Welcome to Del Taco. Can I take your order? 222 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:17,106 I'll take a Whopper with cheese. 223 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,358 Personal pan pizza. 224 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,151 Bucket of extra crispy. 225 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,987 Is the McRib back? 226 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,780 Footlong meatball, wheat. 227 00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,241 Venti Iced Frappuccino. 228 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,577 Ten dollars on pump number five. 229 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,955 Six lottery tickets, a Slim Jim and a lighter. 230 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,040 [announcer] Del Taco. 231 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,252 We're Del Taco. 232 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:44,049 Your Honor, in order to prove that my clients were entrapped, 233 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:49,096 I must call to the witness stand, Steve Dankerson and Dabby Shapiro. 234 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,432 -Yeah! -Yes! Yes! 235 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,518 Ooh! But you're supposed to say, "Come on down!" 236 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,940 Objection. Two witnesses cannot testify at the same time. 237 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:03,652 Carol, are you seriously saying you don't wanna see this? [laughing] 238 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,030 Withdrawn. 239 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,783 You're doing an excellent job, ma'am. 240 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:13,913 There is nothing sexier than a woman who's good at her work. 241 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,337 Raise your right hand. 242 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,301 Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 243 00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,136 [in unison] Fuck, yeah. 244 00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,056 -Come on, guys. -The cop told us to swear. 245 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:40,439 ♪ Happy re-birthday to you ♪ 246 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:47,529 ♪ Happy re-birthday to you ♪ 247 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:55,663 ♪ Happy re-birthday, dear Pete ♪ 248 00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:03,462 ♪ Happy re-birthday to you ♪ 249 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:07,800 ♪ And many more ♪ 250 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,889 Oh. This is a lot scarier than the goat blood. 251 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:19,144 Okay, Pete, now, close your eyes and with the power of a single breath, 252 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,647 extinguish the flames of your torment. 253 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,818 Come on, Pete, move it along. I still got a piñata, a clown 254 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,611 -and a magician. -A magician? 255 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:36,203 Jackie Jesus Christ Chan. What's going on out here? Hey! 256 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,124 Hey, Douglas. 257 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:44,628 Whoa, whoa. Hey. No, no, no. This can't be Pete's birthday. 258 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,714 It's not for another seven weeks. 259 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,509 His star-naming certificate's still at the framer's. Aw! 260 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,678 Well, yeah, I just spoiled that one. 261 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,555 [sighs] 262 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,391 We're trying to help Pete. 263 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,352 He thinks his ex-girlfriend cursed him. 264 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,564 Oh, yeah, I know that drill. 265 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:08,068 My ex-wife cursed me with alimony and 45 more payments on a waterbed 266 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,113 that I guess didn't save our marriage after all. [chuckles] 267 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,950 [grunting] 268 00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:17,077 [scoffs] That's not a real move. 269 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,789 Dank, Dabby. 270 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:25,586 Can you tell the court why you decided to visit the Angeles National Forest 271 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,171 on this particular day? 272 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,088 No. 273 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,882 [Dabby chuckles] 274 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,717 I'll field this one, lover. 275 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,305 So, we'd heard from friends that the stars are awesome from the woods. 276 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,891 So, then you were lured by the stars? 277 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,143 Yeah, 'cause stars are just like us. 278 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:47,107 Yes. Like, did you know Jared Leto buys his own groceries? 279 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,401 -So-- -We thought we'd go to the woods, 280 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,779 -smoke pot and see Jared Leto. -Oh! 281 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,947 And maybe a cartoon bear. 282 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,824 Oh, yeah, either Yogi or Baloo. 283 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,952 -Okay. So, let's-- -Or that one with the fucked-up hat 284 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:01,663 that tells you to light forest fires. 285 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,376 Pharrell wears the same hat as that asshole forest bear. 286 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,505 -You know who I like? -Who? 287 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,799 -Fozzie. -Oh, from Happy Days. 288 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,885 Okay, all right. But why don't we just talk about-- 289 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:19,306 I can't stand those Berenstain Bears. Those preachy motherfuckers. 290 00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:20,808 Your Honor, I object. 291 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:23,936 -You're objecting to your own witnesses? -Strenuously. 292 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,481 Overruled. I love these guys. 293 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,316 -Yeah! -Yeah! 294 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,567 [Dank] Fuck those bears! 295 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,156 [Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" playing] 296 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,559 [inaudible dialogue] 297 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,090 Pete, this is your final test. 298 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:21,678 To lift the curse, you must destroy this effigy of Mary Jane. 299 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,933 I'm not sure I can do it. It looks just like her. 300 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,436 Uh, there's candy inside. 301 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:30,812 Okay, I'll try. 302 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,231 I'll hold it. 303 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,360 Okay, Pete. You got this. 304 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:41,323 As sure as I'm from La Cañada, you will vanquish this piñata. 305 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,742 Here you go, sweetie. 306 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:46,578 Heads up, with my kids, this shit takes an hour. 307 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,582 [chanting] Break the curse! 308 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,542 Break the curse! 309 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,462 Break the curse! Break the curse! 310 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,506 Mother, jugs and speed! 311 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,927 -Sorry, Douglas. Sorry. -Oh, my God. Are you okay? 312 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,929 Yeah! Ah. I'm fine. 313 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,682 Pain is just pleasure hurting a lot. 314 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,186 Ah, no! 315 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,855 You don't need that stick. 316 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,941 Use the stick inside of you. 317 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,415 Whoo! Yeah! That's my boy! 318 00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:32,582 Yeah! 319 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:33,834 -[Carter] Yes! -[Jenny] All right! 320 00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:39,172 [Mary Jane] Fuck you, Pete! 321 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,634 Your friends are dicks! 322 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,886 Baba Booey! 323 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:49,599 I'm free. 324 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,059 -Yeah! -Oh, my God! 325 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,896 Yeah! [laughing] 326 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,648 The curse is broken. 327 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,900 Good. So is my wrist. 328 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:01,445 Can someone drive me to the ER? 329 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,158 Your Honor, in summation, 330 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:09,077 cannabis is legal for adult use in this state, 331 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:12,622 but illegal in the country to which this state belongs. 332 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,916 And that's inherently contradictory. 333 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,793 It's a legal paradox. 334 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:22,632 And when you apply laws that confusing to people this easily confused... 335 00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:25,677 that's entrapment. 336 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:31,016 And decent, law-abiding citizens are caught in that trap every day. 337 00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:35,062 I would simply ask the court to be reasonable, 338 00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:40,150 because, at the end of the day, it's just pot. 339 00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,402 Thank you. 340 00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:46,198 Ms. Feldman, you make a compelling argument. 341 00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:49,951 I myself find these laws confusing and I went to Wesleyan. 342 00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:54,122 I'd be much more inclined to acquit your clients 343 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:57,667 if they weren't under the defense table smoking marijuana. 344 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:01,713 Fuck a duck! 345 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,340 [sighs] 346 00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:09,596 All right. How about a 500-dollar fine and 30 days of house arrest? 347 00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:11,139 Sounds good. Carol? 348 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,559 You're sentencing stoners to a month on the couch? 349 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,269 Are you shitting me?! 350 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,856 It's okay to curse now, right? 351 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:22,150 Fuck, yeah. Court's adjourned. 352 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:24,986 Partial victory is mine. 353 00:23:26,613 --> 00:23:27,989 There you have it. 354 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:32,452 After two long days and one amazing hot dog, 355 00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:35,539 the trial of the century is finally over. 356 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,334 Join me tomorrow at noon, here time, 357 00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:41,795 for Wake and Bake with Sabine Dortmunder 358 00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:44,840 when my guests will be my cool neighbor Marty 359 00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:47,968 and former Vice President Al Jore. 360 00:23:54,057 --> 00:23:56,685 [circus music playing] 361 00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:03,251 ♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪ 362 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,837 ♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪ 363 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,298 ♪ The world seems light And I'm so right ♪ 364 00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:10,425 ♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪ 365 00:25:10,508 --> 00:25:12,928 ♪ I'm gonna put my nickel In a slot machine ♪ 366 00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:15,388 ♪ And play my solid sender ♪ 367 00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:18,308 ♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie-Q ♪ 368 00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,018 ♪ 'Cause I'm on bender ♪ 369 00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:22,687 ♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪ 370 00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:25,148 ♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪ 371 00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:28,151 ♪ I got my roach around I can't come down ♪ 372 00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:29,569 ♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪