1
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,427
[man 1] Uh, please welcome
to the Laugh Warehouse stage
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,012
for the very first time, uh, Carter.
3
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,098
-[light applause]
-[man 2] Whoo.
4
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,310
How's everybody doing tonight? Good.
5
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[feedback screeching]
6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,734
[feedback stops]
7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,819
Hey, hey. Hey. There we go.
8
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,365
Uh, well, my name is Car-- I'm Carter.
You just heard it.
9
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,243
And, uh, I'm an Army veteran.
10
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,871
Thank you. And, uh...
And, uh... [chuckles]
11
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:38,955
I, uh...
12
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,791
In my work the other day,
this lady came in
13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,461
and, phew, she was-- She was pregnant.
14
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,045
She was, like, real...
15
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,215
Real pregnant. Like, you know...
16
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,968
Um, I work at a marijuana dispensary.
17
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:54,012
You should probably know that.
18
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,263
Um...
19
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:59,225
But when I say she was pregnant,
she was, like, pregnant.
20
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,269
Like, she was pregnant with twins
21
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:02,729
and then-- And--
22
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,482
Like, those twins,
they were both pregnant with triplets.
23
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,399
[laughs nervously]
24
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,234
[woman clears throat,
then Carter clears throat]
25
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,198
[voices chattering]
26
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,790
[feedback screeching]
27
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,959
[gunfire]
28
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,628
[explosion]
29
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,714
Eagle Six, this is Joker.
30
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Requesting air cover.
I need laughs now.
31
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[gunfire]
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00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,055
[panting]
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00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,934
[Carter] Is this on?
34
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,811
[feedback screeching]
35
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,604
[panting]
36
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,357
[crowd booing]
37
00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:58,993
[screeching]
38
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,497
[heartbeat thudding]
39
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,668
[breathing heavily]
40
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,257
[feedback screeching]
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00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,299
[feedback stops]
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00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,137
[man] Thank you for your service.
Now, get off the fucking stage.
43
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,764
[crowd laughing]
44
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,183
[Trixie Smith's
"Jack, I'm Mellow" playing]
45
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,436
♪ I'm so high... ♪
46
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,940
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
47
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:36,614
Okay, [clears throat] guys, listen up.
I have some very exciting news.
48
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,950
-Olivia's coming back?
-Oh, I hope so.
49
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,160
Thank God.
50
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:43,580
No, guys, we have
to get used to a world without Olivia.
51
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,791
Olivia's coming back?
52
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,503
No. But we are gonna have
an amazing day,
53
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,965
because I've arranged
for some celebrity budtenders,
54
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,092
and they are...
55
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,344
What the fuck time is lunch?
56
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:01,139
[Dabby chuckles]
57
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,516
I'm excited as hell, man.
58
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,977
-I've always wanted to be in sales.
-Yes.
59
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:09,188
And I've always wanted
to have a workplace romance.
60
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,356
Oh, yeah.
61
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:14,444
Like any movie starring
the always-enchanting Renelle Zagwagger.
62
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,321
[Dabby speaking indistinctly]
63
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,532
How's that gonna happen?
You guys are already a couple.
64
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:23,286
Nope.
In fact, we're meeting cute right now.
65
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:27,916
Oh.
66
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:35,340
I'm so sorry, this is my first day here.
I'm a little lost.
67
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:38,009
Oh, this store can be confusing. Hi.
68
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,385
Steve Dankerson.
69
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,971
-Oh.
-Senior VP of regional sales.
70
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,015
"Debbie," is it?
71
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,059
[chuckles] It's Dabby.
72
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:46,976
[Dank chuckling]
73
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:51,856
I just moved to the big city
from Farmtown.
74
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:52,774
Ah.
75
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,779
Oh-oh. [chuckles]
I gotta get back to work,
76
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,448
Old Man Feldman's giving me the stink-eye.
77
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:01,908
Old man?
78
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,243
I'm younger than you.
79
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,372
Anyway, uh, see you around, Dabby.
80
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,042
Oh, gosh, I sure hope so. Gee whiz.
81
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,172
How'd he get to be Senior VP?
82
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,175
Stay the fuck out of my office.
83
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,141
And with this hit
from the solid gold bong,
84
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,019
I thee welcome thee to my own team.
85
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,105
Wow, [chuckles]
86
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,564
Uh, thank thee.
87
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:39,028
FYI, it's not really solid gold.
It was a gift from Rick Dees
88
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,532
when he hosted the '80s dance show,
Solid Gold.
89
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,122
-Wow, it gets really hot.
-Yes.
90
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,833
-Yes, it is very, very impractical.
-[chuckles]
91
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,003
Well, I am happy to be here.
92
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,339
I just feel bad
about how I left it with Travis.
93
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:00,383
Oh, sure. Travis, yeah.
94
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:04,512
Travis was your friend and you liked him
for some reason. [chuckles]
95
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,765
But you're a thoroughbred
96
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,559
and he's a baby.
97
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,769
And a baby can't ride a horse.
98
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:12,729
[Angelo chuckles]
99
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,606
-I guess that's true.
-It's more than true.
100
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:20,611
It's actually California state law.
Monkeys can ride horses, but not babies.
101
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,196
[Angelo chuckles]
102
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,408
Anyway, Olivia, our work starts today.
103
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,910
We are promoting the future of our brand.
104
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,288
We are planting tiny shit acorns
105
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:34,208
that will someday grow
into mighty shit oaks.
106
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,463
The point is, I have a lot of ideas
and I cannot wait to--
107
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,591
[chuckles] Delightful.
I have scored an interview
108
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:44,343
with the one and only Sabine Dortmunder.
109
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,345
-Oh, Sabine. I know her.
-Well,
110
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,806
I knew her first and better.
111
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:53,853
In fact, I have prepared
a video presentation of her work.
112
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:55,646
Behold!
113
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,565
[both yell]
114
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,658
[BioWave] Well, would you look at me.
115
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,368
I'm free as a bird.
116
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:10,578
Check it out.
117
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,497
Michael Jackson.
118
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,499
♪ Hee-hee ♪
119
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,585
Now I'm a Roomba.
120
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,338
"Oh, there's a wall.
121
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,633
Oh, there's a wall."
122
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,968
[BioWave laughs]
123
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,386
Dumb-ass.
124
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,516
You're really good with those wheels.
125
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:35,269
[BioWave] I was practicing my moves
while you were wasting time with those...
126
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,771
humans.
127
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:39,982
They're my co-workers.
128
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,859
[BioWave] I'm your only co-worker, Pete.
129
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,613
Everyone else is in the way.
130
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,951
Look at me now, I'm Optimus Prime,
transforming into a truck.
131
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:52,912
[BioWave making mechanical sounds]
132
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,706
I don't get that one.
133
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,459
[BioWave] Michael Jackson.
134
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:03,089
♪ Mama-say, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa ♪
135
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:12,765
[knock on door]
136
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,350
Hello, Ruth.
137
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,185
Well, where you been?
138
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,687
I've missed you.
139
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,147
Yes, I missed you, too.
140
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,232
Ruth, I'm, uh...
141
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,025
Can we...?
142
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:24,902
Can we talk?
143
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,696
Oh, fuck.
144
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,950
I've had a great time
these couple of weeks.
145
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:32,410
Oh, fuck.
146
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,540
I just think maybe
this got a little out of hand.
147
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,000
I don't know.
148
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,003
It's not what I'm looking for.
149
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:43,963
Wow.
150
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,049
Okay, sure.
151
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,304
Um, I'm sorry, and, uh...
152
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:53,639
thanks.
153
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,559
I'm glad I know how to smoke pot now.
154
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,520
Uh...
155
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:01,564
Take care.
156
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:09,572
[door closes]
157
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,298
[in posh accent] Hello, friends.
158
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,967
Are you riddled with anxiety?
159
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,802
Do you suffer from insomnia?
160
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,471
Are you uncool?
161
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,349
Because you seem very uncool.
162
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,686
Well, rejoice. I bring you a cure-all
for the many maladies
163
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,814
that befall the modern man and woman.
164
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,528
Dr. Dankerson's
Revivifying Wellness Tincture.
165
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,449
Derived from the miracle plant,
cannabis sativa, as cultivated
166
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,953
in exotic lands
as far away as Oregon.
167
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:02,124
Just one drop of this wonder sauce
will allay your seizures,
168
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,293
allergies and demonic fits.
169
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,463
And get you as high
as the proverbial fuck.
170
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,218
But don't take my word for it.
I need a volunteer. Anyone?
171
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,763
Anyone at all.
Oh, you, way in the back, step right up.
172
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,974
Hello.
173
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,604
Now, how are you feeling
this morning, young woman?
174
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,525
Tired, anxious and I have no libido.
175
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:30,361
Pity.
176
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,615
Now, allow me
to administer the precise dose
177
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,618
of my tincture
through the orifice of your choice.
178
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,787
Hm. I'll go oral.
179
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,957
They always do.
180
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,378
-You shall feel the effects momentarily.
-Ah.
181
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:52,758
Oh, my vigor is renewed
and my womanhood is in bloom.
182
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:55,261
[chuckles] Another satisfied customer.
183
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:56,512
[Travis] Dank?
184
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:57,972
Dabby?
185
00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,473
What are you guys doing?
186
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,642
Egad, the authorities.
187
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,894
Amscray. Amscray.
188
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,521
[Dabby grunting]
189
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,985
Hi, I'm Sabine Dortmunder,
190
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:14,405
and welcome to High on Cannabis.
191
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,951
-Wait, I thought it was Eye on Cannabis.
-Is it?
192
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,246
That doesn't sound right. [chuckles]
193
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,666
Hey, I knew a guy named I-on once.
194
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,168
He was cool.
195
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,183
It's a blessing to be on your show.
196
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,934
Angelo DeStevens.
197
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,605
Let's talk about your new deal
with Olivia Shitballs here.
198
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,940
That's not my actual last name.
199
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:51,692
So, what?
200
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:55,112
You married somebody named Shitballs?
201
00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:00,117
Sabine, let me tell you about this woman.
202
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:05,039
She is a powerful, empowered,
empoweringly power-packed woman
203
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:07,583
who does not take orders from anyone.
204
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,085
-[chuckles] Okay, go.
-Yes.
205
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,048
The Olivia's brand is going
way beyond Shitballs.
206
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,592
From mucus to urine to vomit,
207
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,887
if I can secrete it, you're gonna eat it.
208
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,142
That's amazing.
209
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:28,270
Uh, hey, whatever happened
to that guy Travis?
210
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:30,815
Um...
211
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:35,403
Let me field this one, girlfriend.
Travis, uh, is a very bright young man
212
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,072
who I think is going to go very, very far
213
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,532
in the other direction.
214
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,369
We had a strange night one time.
215
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,621
He's got baby ankles.
216
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,166
Anyway, thanks for joining us.
217
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,876
-This is Sabine Dort--
-Sabine,
218
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,004
I would like to point out
that we have a whole new line
219
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:58,300
of Olivia's bodily secretions,
as well as a proprietary new vape pen
220
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,137
that we are calling Olivia's Fart Pipe.
221
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,599
Hold the phone.
222
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,437
You just used my show
to plug your products?
223
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,981
Uh, that is not cool, guy.
224
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,691
I'm a journalist.
225
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,153
I have a degree from journalism.
226
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,030
This is over.
227
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:21,574
[theme music playing]
228
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:24,952
Join me tomorrow when Matt Damon
talks about his new movie,
229
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,997
Boston Dad, co-starring Ben Affleck.
230
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:38,632
Hey, baby.
231
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,926
Hey. What's up?
232
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,305
Well, I'm a co-star
in the Dank and Dabby rom-com.
233
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,809
Dabby's fighting her attraction for Dank
234
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,853
because she doesn't
want to affect her career.
235
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:54,398
But she didn't move to the city
from Farmtown to give up this easy.
236
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,110
You should come watch.
237
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:01,363
It's kind of a chick flick,
but it's pretty funny.
238
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,575
I don't know.
Nothing seems funny to me now.
239
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,118
Really?
240
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,871
Not even...
241
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,122
The Tickle Monster?!
242
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,457
[yelling]
243
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:16,212
Seriously?
244
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,589
[clears throat] Sorry.
245
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,303
You know, every comic bombs.
246
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,931
You just have to keep trying.
247
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,016
Know who taught me that?
248
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:32,311
-The Tickle Monster! [laughs]
-Okay, all right, okay.
249
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,395
Come on, come on.
250
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,607
Look, I know you're right, but...
251
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,236
the way I'm feeling, I don't think
I'll get on that stage again.
252
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,988
Maybe something
will snap you out of it.
253
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:46,992
I swear to God,
if you say The Tickle Monster, we done.
254
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,497
Wait until you see the view from up here.
255
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,581
Oh.
256
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,458
It's breathtaking.
257
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:56,794
Yes.
258
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,964
Sometimes I come up here
and get lost in my thoughts.
259
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,175
And throw pennies at bums.
260
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,265
I'm not sure we should be here,
Mr. Dankerson.
261
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,766
Please, call me Dank.
262
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,851
Mr. Dankerson is...
263
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,812
-my penis.
-[Dabby gasps]
264
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,777
I gotta say, I'm rooting for those two.
265
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,574
You listen here, bad guy.
266
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:31,704
I'm walking this nice old lady
to her retirement community, so back off.
267
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:32,621
Let's go.
268
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,624
Excuse me. What?
269
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,294
What did you just say?
270
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:43,299
Hey! You wanna rape someone, why don't you
try raping someone your own size?
271
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:48,304
Oh, it looks like
you may have dropped your passport.
272
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,264
[yelling]
273
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,560
-Hey, Douglas.
-Hey.
274
00:14:56,687 --> 00:15:00,691
Pete. I don't know how much of that
last scenario you just caught,
275
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,818
but I just saved
that old woman. [chuckles]
276
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,987
Run along now, Mrs. Miller.
277
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:07,990
That's amazing.
278
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:09,825
Uh...
279
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,578
I, uh... I--
280
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,998
I know we haven't spoken
in a while, uh, but...
281
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:20,169
I have a problem
and you're the only one I can talk to.
282
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,046
[grunts]
283
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,257
Can you repeat that last part?
284
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,969
You are the only one I can talk to.
285
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,389
Everyone in the dispensary
will think I'm crazy.
286
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,808
'Cause they're all hopped up on the shrub.
287
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,355
Can we crisscross applesauce?
288
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,315
[exhales sharply]
289
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,026
I thought I would never hear
those words again.
290
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:46,904
What's up?
291
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:51,950
So, I bought this machine
and it's taking over my life.
292
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,411
Is it a Fitbit?
I'm obsessed with mine.
293
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,623
-I gotta get my 10K a day.
-No, no, no. It's a BioWave.
294
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,292
It's a harmonic subsonic wave generator.
295
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,754
Is that like a shower radio?
296
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:09,635
-I don't know what that is.
-It's self-explanatory from the name.
297
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,096
It's a radio you hang in the shower.
298
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,515
-How? With suction--?
-Suction, sure.
299
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,767
Or you can hang it from the showerhead.
300
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:20,521
-But doesn't it break when it gets wet?
-No, that's the whole idea.
301
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,564
That's why it's a shower radio.
302
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,234
You can have a regular radio
in the bathroom,
303
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,860
but it's not the same thing.
304
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:28,988
Oh.
305
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:32,449
-Well, you know, BioWave's not like that.
-Well...
306
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:33,992
Helps me grow pot.
307
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,745
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
308
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,249
You just crisscross-applesauced me
to talk about pot?
309
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,084
Pete, come on.
310
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,502
For the last time,
311
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:47,798
marijuana is evil.
If I could, I would wipe it out forever.
312
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,467
-But I really need your help.
-Pete.
313
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:54,722
What part of this part of the wall
don't you understand?
314
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,733
[BioWave] Initiate threat level
assessment.
315
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:10,779
Pete.
316
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,741
For the last time, marijuana is evil.
317
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,952
-If I could, I would wipe it out forever.
-But, I--
318
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,997
[beeping]
319
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,042
[BioWave laughing]
320
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,549
[classical music playing]
321
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,764
Hey. What's the latest
between you and Dank?
322
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,850
Mm. I told him that we can't be together
323
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,645
because I'm listening
to my head over my heart.
324
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,232
No, Dabby, you can't give up on love.
325
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,776
Oh. Jesus, Jenny, cool it.
326
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,946
We're just fucking around,
you big old freak. [laughs]
327
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:38,117
Hey, where's Dank?
We got customers who wanna meet him.
328
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,661
Oh, sorry, Old Man Feldman,
329
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,412
but I think he's gone.
330
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:43,622
Forever.
331
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:47,251
["Up Where We Belong" playing]
332
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,838
♪ Love lift us up where we belong ♪
333
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,801
♪ Where the eagles cry ♪
334
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,555
♪ On a mountain high ♪
335
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:04,601
♪ Love lift us up where we belong ♪
336
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,565
♪ Far from the world below ♪
337
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:13,026
♪ Up where the clear winds blow ♪
338
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:30,168
Guys, could I get, like, five consecutive
minutes of you working?
339
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,881
What do you say, Ms. Shapiro?
340
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,093
You had me at "fuck."
341
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,890
Goddamn, these things always get me.
342
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,522
[BioWave] Pete, if I'm quiet
the next minute or two,
343
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,233
it's because I'm running
a software update.
344
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,278
Nothing mischievous about it.
345
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,492
[cell phone ringing]
346
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,415
[clears throat]
347
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,001
Intensity Plus Fight School.
348
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,837
[fax answer tone screeching]
349
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:14,922
The hell?
350
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,674
Why is a fax machine calling me?
That's annoying.
351
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,762
Why is my battery down to ten percent?
I just charged this. That is annoying.
352
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:22,721
[bell dings]
353
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,682
[chuckles] Hot Pocket time.
354
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,018
Mm-hm.
355
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,564
Oh! Ow! Way hotter than usual.
356
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,857
Ah!
357
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:35,525
[BioWave] Say it.
358
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,069
Say it.
359
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,988
Ah, this is really annoying.
360
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,868
[BioWave] Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff
right there. Whoo-hoo!
361
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,620
Yeah. Suck it, bitch.
362
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,336
I love what you were saying
about female empowerment.
363
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,506
Yes, I was saying
the right things, absolutely.
364
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:05,138
So, [sighs] this morning,
I had a pretty tough convo
365
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,767
with the marketing people about you.
366
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,811
You know what? Forget it.
367
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:12,771
No, what?
368
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,149
No, I'm just very upset, you know?
369
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,736
I'm just upset
because your weight is your business.
370
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,198
-Excuse me?
-Hm?
371
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:27,452
Well, you know how the marketing
people are. They use code words
372
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:30,956
like "bloated" and "corn-fed" and "husky."
373
00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:33,750
Husky?
374
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,962
I will cut a bitch who calls me husky.
375
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,881
Hey, [chuckles] it's not me. You know.
376
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:44,094
Marketing people are the ones saying
you shouldn't finish that doughnut.
377
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,098
How do the marketing people
know I'm eating it?
378
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,726
That's what I said.
You sound just like me.
379
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:57,316
Will you get your fucking brother-in-law
to fix the goddamn TV?!
380
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,366
Hey, Carter. What's up?
381
00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:09,703
-The hell are you doing?
-My Fitbit's broken
382
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:13,123
and this is the only way
to count my steps. So annoying.
383
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:16,251
Ah! How is it even hotter?
384
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:17,794
That is so annoying.
385
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,965
[tires squealing, then horn honks]
386
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,009
Yeah, yeah. I see you, I see you.
387
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:30,098
[crowd applauding]
388
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,602
Hey, hey. How's it going tonight?
389
00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:34,936
Right. Uh...
390
00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:36,521
Well, I'm Carter.
391
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:40,942
And, uh, I work as a security guard
in a pot dispensary.
392
00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:44,529
-[man] Ooh!
-Yeah, that's right. Pot, yeah. Uh...
393
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:48,492
And I-- Okay, I gotta tell you, you know,
I like working for stoners.
394
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,744
[chuckles] They don't even know I'm gone.
395
00:22:50,827 --> 00:22:52,120
[crowd laughing]
396
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:53,705
All right. [chuckles]
397
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,124
I mean, I'm on duty right now.
398
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,834
[crowd and Carter laughing]
399
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:58,752
All right.
400
00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:02,047
Let me tell you about
this backwards-walking asshole I just saw.
401
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:03,090
[laughs]
402
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,053
[doorbell rings]
403
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,603
Hi.
404
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:19,189
I want an explanation.
405
00:23:22,984 --> 00:23:23,819
Come in.
406
00:23:35,872 --> 00:23:39,167
-Do you wanna sit?
-No, I don't wanna sit.
407
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:46,424
How the hell do you just stroll
into my office
408
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:47,884
and drop a bomb like,
409
00:23:48,718 --> 00:23:50,720
"This isn't what I'm looking for"?
410
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,224
You're not looking for fun?
411
00:23:57,018 --> 00:23:59,229
You're not looking to be with somebody?
412
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,191
Not right now. No.
413
00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,446
Why did you ever start with me?
414
00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:13,368
I suppose I shouldn't have.
415
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:18,373
I'm sorry. I never thought
we'd get as close as we did.
416
00:24:19,207 --> 00:24:20,250
Jesus.
417
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:26,047
I thought at our age, we were done
with these bullshit games.
418
00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:31,136
Look, we don't have a future.
I don't know what else to tell you.
419
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,556
You can tell me
why I wasted my time with you.
420
00:24:36,683 --> 00:24:39,227
You can tell me
why you let me fall for you.
421
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:44,566
[exhales]
422
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:48,570
[sobbing] I'm dying, Ruth.
423
00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:53,950
Cancer.
424
00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:56,620
Six months. Tops.
425
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:23,188
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
426
00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:25,690
♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪
427
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:28,109
♪ The world seems light
And I'm so right ♪
428
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:30,528
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪
429
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,906
♪ I'm gonna put my nickel
In a slot machine ♪
430
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:35,492
♪ And play my solid sender ♪
431
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:38,370
♪ I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie-Q ♪
432
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:40,205
♪ 'Cause I'm on bender ♪
433
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:42,707
♪ I'm so high and so dry ♪
434
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:45,126
♪ I'm sailin' in the sky ♪
435
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:48,213
♪ I got my roach around
I can't come down ♪
436
00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:49,923
♪ Jack, I'm mellow ♪