1 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,923 (SINGING) The Simpsons 2 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,428 D'oh! 3 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:12,804 (SCREAMS) 4 00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:13,889 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 5 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:31,573 Lemonade! Sweet sunshine in your mouth! 6 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,366 Buy a cup or I punch my sister! 7 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,744 It's true! He's not bluffing! 8 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:39,748 Ow. 9 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:42,459 Maybe we should put a dollar in the jar, prime the pump. 10 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,586 What are we? A piano bar? 11 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,631 (PEOPLE CLAMORING) 12 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,675 I'll take 15 lemonades. 13 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,219 Make that 16. 14 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,303 Huh? 15 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:57,057 Lousy dog. If you had your way, I'd walk you every day. 16 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,266 (GASPS) 17 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,809 Lemonade! 18 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,937 (HOMER PANTING) 19 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,563 GIRL: Stop pushing. 20 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,399 Six cups, please. And put it on my tab. 21 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,443 Keep moving, deadbeat. Cash only. 22 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,737 Fine. Lemonade's for babies, anyways. 23 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,572 I'm going to Moe's for beer! 24 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,492 Have fun drinking your lemonade, babies! 25 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,871 (CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING) 26 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,750 Lisa? Can Daddy borrow your bike? 27 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:24,960 I guess. 28 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,420 (GRUNTING) 29 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,802 (MOANING LOUDLY) 30 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,396 (SIGHS IN RELIEF) 31 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,608 Hey, Moe. Give me a... Homer, shush. 32 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,986 We're watching Krabappel try to break up with Skinner. 33 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:54,739 Seymour, I have something difficult I want to say to you. 34 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:55,907 I understand. 35 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:59,619 It can be very difficult for a woman to propose marriage. 36 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,913 But I am willing to go halfsies on a ring. 37 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,791 Seymour... Excuse me. 38 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,837 Any of you lugs want to break up with my boyfriend for me? 39 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:09,921 I'll buy you a beer. 40 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,173 Seymour, Edna asked me to talk to you. 41 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,093 Splendid. Shall we discuss music or the weather? 42 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:19,014 No. This is about you. Edna wants to break up. 43 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,558 She wants to break up? Yeah. 44 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,184 With me? Yeah. 45 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:28,815 Look at it this way. You're a free man, unlike me. 46 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,234 You have all your hair, unlike me. 47 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,987 No kids tying you down or a crippling mortgage 48 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,197 that you refinanced at 26% 49 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,576 because a dancing Internet cowboy told you to? 50 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,870 (CRYING) Oh, God, I hate my life. 51 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,538 (sesame) 52 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,001 Gee, compared to you, my life is one big half day. 53 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:51,671 Exactly. You're good-looking. You have a decent job. 54 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:55,216 What lonely widow wouldn't consider you an option? 55 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,343 Thanks, Homer. 56 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,137 I don't think the school pep squad could've cheered me up more, 57 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,765 and they were state runners-up in 1997. 58 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,433 (WHISTLING) 59 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,101 Homer, that was amazing. 60 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,063 He actually felt better coming out of the breakup than he did going in. 61 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,481 Say, Homer, you're real good at this. 62 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,483 Think you could dump my girlfriend Doreen for me? 63 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,985 Doreen, she's cheated on you with everyone. 64 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,111 Well, except for me. 65 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,698 And I've showered her with gifts, fancy soaps and massage oils 66 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,617 and what have you. 67 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,620 Here she comes. Work your magic, Homer. 68 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,580 Is Lenny here? 69 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,374 I'm afraid Lenny's dead. 70 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,918 What? I just talked to him. 71 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,670 And you will again because he isn't really dead. 72 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,757 Now this next piece of news won't seem so bad. 73 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,093 Lemonade! We want lemonade! Lemonade! We want lemonade! 74 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,846 Don't worry, folks. Our master chef is stirring up a fresh batch. 75 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,561 Stop that transaction! 76 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,648 I'm a part-time field agent with the Springfield Department of Commerce! 77 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,025 Great gig. It is a great gig. 78 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,069 May I see your vendor's license? 79 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,238 I think it's... We don't have one. 80 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,742 35 cents? Where did that come from? 81 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,453 Can't be mine. Must be yours! 82 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,623 I don't care if it's 45 cents, I don't want it. 83 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,458 Submit this form to the license bureau. 84 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,002 Until then, this stand is closed! 85 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,254 B0ys! 86 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,509 Geez, I'm thirsty. You got any lemonade? 87 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,010 Not anymore! 88 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,679 (LISA MUMBLING ANGRILY) 89 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,102 (PEOPLE GRUMBLING) 90 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,437 Come on, come on! 91 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,231 I was halfway through an operation when my license expired. 92 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:36,526 I'll get to you just as soon as I finish this crossword puzzle. 93 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,195 Come on. Let's go, buddy! 94 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,448 I left bananas in my car! 95 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:45,743 Let's see, 10 across, Franklin Roosevelt's middle name. 96 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,329 Excitement! Wait, that don't fit. 97 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,415 (ALL GRUMBLING IN FRUSTRATION) 98 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,709 Maybe you could use some help. 99 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,005 FDR's middle name, Delano. 100 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,007 Oxidized surface, well, that's rusty. 101 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,426 Bartenders serve them "dirty." Ham sandwiches! 102 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:02,802 No, martinis. 103 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:03,970 Oh, right. 104 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:06,848 One more word. Singer of Yentl. 13 letters! 105 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,061 I got it! Isaac Bashevis. 106 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,940 Now give me my license! Give everyone their license! 107 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,400 (CHEERING) 108 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,153 What is a four letter word for hero? 109 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:22,780 Hero! Yes. But I meant Lisa. 110 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,658 Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 111 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,202 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 112 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,288 Y'ello? Homer? It's your old roommate, Grady. 113 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,372 The gay guy? 114 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,501 That's not all I am! Well, it's a lot of what I am. 115 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,629 Anyhoo, I heard how good you are at breaking up couples. 116 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,672 I need your help to break up with Julio. 117 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:44,052 Because I met someone new, someone much more cool and refreshing. 118 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,595 Uh-huh. 119 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,721 Got it. 120 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,474 Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club 121 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,809 and I won't be home till 3:00 in the morning! 122 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,311 MARGE: Have fun! 123 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,857 (CHUCKLES) 124 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,192 Ay, caramba! 125 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,779 Bart, I've fallen in love with crosswords. 126 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,199 It finally happened. You've gone completely fruit loops. 127 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,826 Froot Loops! That's the answer to 38 down, 128 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,036 Toucan's delight. 129 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,829 No. I mean you're loco in the coco! 130 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,706 Cocoa! Ice rink drink. 131 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,791 You're losing it! 132 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,001 LOSin' If! Risque '80s teen flick. 133 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,753 Fine! Go nuts! See if I care! 134 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,005 Eye care. Optician's concern. 135 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,049 Thanks for your help, Bart! 136 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,135 BART. San Francisco people mover! 137 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,054 Speaking of San Francisco people mover... 138 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,639 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 139 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,395 Grady is breaking up with me? 140 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:38,856 You'll always have a special place in his heart. 141 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,316 In his what? 142 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,696 Oh! 143 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,948 Oh, baby, you are the breakup king. 144 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:50,368 You have made the seven minutes that I'm gonna go without love 145 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,036 so much more bearable. 146 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,290 Anyone else want me to get rid of that special someone? 147 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:58,376 Okay, everyone. Rotate one to your right. 148 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,136 Guess what, Mom? I'm a cruciverbalist! 149 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,013 Another religion? 150 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,099 You know, you're just gonna drop the whole thing when you go to college 151 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,934 and get a Jewish boyfriend. 152 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,354 Probably. But a cruciverbalist is a fan of crossword puzzles, 153 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,939 which I am. 154 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,985 Me, too! I've been doing them since 1958. 155 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,946 Back then, we called them alphabet hotels 156 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,033 'cause every letter gets its own little room. 157 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,871 I still do the Springfield Shopper puzzle every day. 158 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,789 Let's see there... 159 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,542 Grampa, everyone knows that the only real test of skill 160 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,420 is the New York Times puzzle, edited by Will Shortz. 161 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,297 "Will" and "Shorts," 162 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,884 two things I'm no longer allowed to change by myself. 163 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,226 Okay, back to the real world. 164 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,826 Isn't it beautiful? 165 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,203 Sure is. 166 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,205 Who's driving the bus? What bus? 167 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,790 (KIDS SCREAMING) 168 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,167 HOMER: Sweet Conclusions Breakup Service. 169 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,837 Oh, yes. We dispose of your loved one humanely, 170 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,174 thanks to our patented Tenderdump system. 171 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:32,595 I'll be there in 30 minutes or your breakup is free! 172 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,305 (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) 173 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,560 (SINGING) I'm leaving you, baby 174 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,980 With my clothes in my hand 175 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:46,734 Farewell to you, baby Get yourself a monkey man 176 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,153 I'm leaving 177 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,324 With my clothes in my hand 178 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,414 Farewell to you 179 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,709 Get yourself a monkey man 180 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,297 (LISA HUMMING) 181 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,428 Simpson! 182 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,849 What in the blue blazes are you doing to my hopscotching grids? 183 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,143 I made them into a crossword. 184 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,688 Well, I'm a bit of a puzzle-head myself. 185 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:28,609 They help me wind down after a day of dealing with Skinner! 186 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,528 You called? Made reference. 187 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:31,612 My mistake. 188 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,032 Lisa, I think you might be ready for this. 189 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,827 "Bald Man's Basketball League"? 190 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,413 Sorry. Wrong flier. I meant this. 191 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,041 "Citywide Crossword Tournament"? Thank you! 192 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,084 You're welcome. 193 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:50,339 Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his skimmer! 194 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,216 You called? You misheard. 195 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,676 My mistake. 196 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,931 Marge, if I had $100 for every customer I'd broken up, 197 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,558 I'd have exactly this amount 198 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:01,851 'cause that's what I charge! 199 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:02,935 (LAUGHING) 200 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,647 Homie, I'm not sure about this new business of yours. 201 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,108 You're making it too easy for couples to break up 202 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,110 just because they hit a rough patch. 203 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,779 I know this is hard on you. 204 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,198 But in time, you'll come to see it's for the best. 205 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,700 That's one of your breakup lines! 206 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,163 What would've happened if there was someone who could break us up 207 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,957 every time I had my doubts about you? 208 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,343 (MARGE SNORING) 209 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,387 (BOTH SNORING) 210 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,308 Who are you? 211 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:46,103 We are the spirits of the relationships you killed. 212 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,065 (SCREAMING) 213 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,528 We're the babies those couples would have had. 214 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:58,699 And we're the antiques those couples would have bought together. 215 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,746 Get him, chairs and babies! 216 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,835 (SHOUTING) 217 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:09,961 Homie? 218 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,754 Marge, I'm getting out of the breakup business, 219 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,423 and I don't know if I'll ever sleep soundly again. 220 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,175 (SNORING) Well, maybe... 221 00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:30,189 Wow. So this is what this is. 222 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,150 Cruciverbalists from far and wide have gathered here 223 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,862 for a no-holds-barred test of skill. 224 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,030 Surely some holds are barred? 225 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,198 No,none. 226 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:43,870 Well, it sounds really exciting and you're a delightful young lady. 227 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,788 Now if you'll excuse me. 228 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,209 Hey, what's going on? 229 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,129 It's kind of a secret, so shut the door most of the way. 230 00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,051 We found a way to make this tournament interesting. 231 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,554 We bet on the matches. 232 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,016 Really? Well, I did bring this envelope full of money. 233 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,058 And these days, 234 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:10,104 betting in a bar is safer than any stock, bond or real estate investment. 235 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,898 Agreed. So who are you gonna bet on? 236 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:15,109 I want you to put it all on my little girl. 237 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,944 And parlay with the Asian kid. 238 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,696 He has a name, you know. 239 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,948 What is it? I don't know. He's not my kid. 240 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,411 Iwin! 241 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:29,999 She won! And like any prudent gambler, I know when to walk away... Never! 242 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:34,253 (SINGING) Dah pretty ladies around the world 243 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,380 Got a weird thing to show you 244 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,424 So tell all the boys and girls 245 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:42,261 Tell your brother, your sister And your mama, too 246 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,680 'Cause they're about to go down 247 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,724 And you'll know just what to do 248 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:51,103 Wave your hands in the air Like you don't care 249 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:54,982 Glide by the people As they start to look and stare 250 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,610 Do your dance, do your dance 251 00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,111 Do your dance quick 252 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:03,032 Mama, come on baby Tell me what's the word 253 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,284 Word up 254 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,912 Everybody say 255 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,457 When you hear the call You've got to get it underway 256 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,667 Word up 257 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,503 Okay, everybody. Take a break. 258 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,839 Dad, I could actually win this thing. 259 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,550 And when you win, I win. 260 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:22,885 (CHUCKLES) 261 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,429 I'll explain that to you on your deathbed. 262 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,681 My only fear is, 263 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:30,059 I always sabotage myself when I'm on the verge of happiness. 264 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,644 You what? In my young life, 265 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:35,272 I've seen that every time I'm about to achieve true happiness, 266 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:38,442 some little piece of me says, "You don't deserve this." 267 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,112 And another little piece says, "I agree." 268 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,739 Right, right! But will it happen this time? 269 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,825 With my luck, I bet it will. 270 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,535 It's practically a sure thing. 271 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,619 Hmm. 272 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,538 (EXCLAIMS) 273 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,331 Contestants to your boards. 274 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,750 Wish me luck! Just be yourself! 275 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,378 I want to change my bet. 276 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,547 I'm going against my daughter! 277 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:00,631 (ALL GASP) 278 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,926 I'll take your money, but I won't look you in the eye. 279 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,179 Fine. I won't look you in the eye. 280 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,561 Have I made the bet yet? I got it. 281 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,313 We're down to our final two contestants. 282 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,733 But before they compete, we would like to pay tribute 283 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,570 to all the words that have been removed from the dictionary in the past year. 284 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,904 (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 285 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,448 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 286 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:46,052 You know, my wife, Shirley, she's the real crossword ace in our family. 287 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,554 Fills in those letters fast as hail on a tin roof. 288 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,973 Ping-ping-ping, she's done. 289 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,393 Shirley passed away two years ago. But I'm still not over it. 290 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,228 That's so sad. 291 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,396 Hey, what can you do? 292 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,773 Life keeps changing the music, 293 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:02,026 but you gotta keep up the cha-cha-cha, huh? 294 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,652 (BUZZER SOUNDS) 295 00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:12,953 Let's see. I'll spread some Q's around. That'll get my brain going. 296 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:19,794 I dropped my glasses! Oh, Shirley baby, I let you down. 297 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:21,712 (SOBS) 298 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:27,426 Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses. 299 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,221 Let's see. That's Enrico Fermi. And there you got the Pet Shop Boys. 300 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,555 And cross the "T" and zing the 301 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:34,141 And skit-skat-skoodly, I'm all the way home. 302 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,226 (BUZZER SOUNDING) 303 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,021 Lisa got hustled. 304 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,817 I blew it again. 305 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,026 She blew it again! 306 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,111 Woo-how.! 307 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:48,280 Here's your money, drenched in your daughter's tears. 308 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:51,867 You know, for a bartender bookie, you're awfully judgmental. 309 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,372 (WHISTLING) 310 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,292 Boy, Dad seems awfully happy. 311 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,628 And there's something different about him. 312 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:08,384 He bought new shoelaces with fancy metal tips. 313 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,890 Dad, did you come into some money we don't know about? 314 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,142 (GASPS INCREDULOUSLY) 315 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,727 You got highlights in your hair! 316 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,313 The sun did that. 317 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:24,733 And your car antenna has been straightened and re-balled. 318 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,486 What's going on? 319 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,740 Well, sweetie, Daddy made a little extra money 320 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,034 betting against you in the crossword tournament. 321 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,661 You'll understand when you're a parent 322 00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,455 placing large wagers against your own children. 323 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,332 I hope you're not mad. 324 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,795 No, I'm not mad. 325 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,094 You sure you're not mad? 326 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,597 No, I'm not mad. 327 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,018 You sure you're not mad? 328 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,978 No, I'm not mad. 329 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,441 Mr. Teddy, can you ask Lisa if she's mad? 330 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:08,861 What's that, Mr. Teddy? You're saying that you know women. 331 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:12,489 And that when women say they're not mad, they're madder than ever? 332 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:17,369 She's gone. Can you drive me home? I'm a little drunk. 333 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,248 Lisa? Lisa? 334 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:26,503 Lisa, sweetie, please look at your daddy. 335 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:29,965 You stopped being my daddy as soon as you bet against me! 336 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,303 All I have now is a mom. Which is why I'm taking her maiden name. 337 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,473 From now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier! 338 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:39,934 (GASPS) 339 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,437 Hey, Mr. S, Lisa B. 340 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,690 No! 341 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,984 Would you like to buy some band candy? 342 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,986 Yes! 343 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,739 Lisa's mad at me, 344 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,243 and now she's using Marge's maiden name instead of mine. 345 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,536 Homer, whatever you done to that little girl, 346 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,956 you just gotta do something even nicer to win her back. 347 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,540 She may never take back your name, 348 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,751 but there's still a chance she'll take you back as her daddy. 349 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:10,464 Wow. Nobody gives better parenting advice than childless drunks. 350 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,343 So the name Lisa Simpson is available, huh? 351 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,721 A lot of goodwill attached to that name. I'm gonna take it. 352 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:18,806 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 353 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,100 Lisa's Tavern. Lisa speaking. 354 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:31,110 Lisa, sweetie, I'm honored that you chose my name, 355 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,444 but it's not that great. 356 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:36,115 Back in high school, the boys used to call me Marge Boobier. 357 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,951 Hey, Bouvier was Jackie Kennedy's maiden name. 358 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,078 Really? I never knew that. 359 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,789 Well, what did you think her name was before it was Kennedy? 360 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,375 Jackie O! Like SpaghettiOs! 361 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,836 I thought that was where her money came from. 362 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:53,382 Look, why don't you cheer up by doing a New York Times crossword puzzle, huh? 363 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:54,758 I'm through with crosswords. 364 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:58,220 My innocence died in those 441 little boxes. 365 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,265 It might be a fun way to kill a couple hours. 366 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,808 A couple hours? 367 00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:06,395 I can do the Sunday puzzle in less than one hour. 368 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,981 "Couple of hours." 369 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,651 Last clue, loses on purpose. 370 00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:13,694 Huh... 371 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:14,778 (EXCLAIMS) 372 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,030 Diet! 373 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,448 (LAUGHS) 374 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,034 Will Shortz, you clever rascal. 375 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,662 And a new record time! Wait a second. 376 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,623 "Dumb dad sorry for his bet." 377 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,793 Wow. It's almost as if Dad planted that message. 378 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,589 No. It must just be a weird coincidence. 379 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:38,260 But what if it's not? It must be. Or mustn't it not? 380 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,065 Dad, I know this is crazy, 381 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,443 but did you plant a message to me in the New York Times crossword puzzle? 382 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,029 Well, I had a little help from this guy. 383 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,113 (LISA GASPS) 384 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,283 New York Times crossword editor, Will Shortz! 385 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,953 And master puzzle constructor, Merl Reagle! 386 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,538 I actually wrote that crossword. 387 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,123 And I edited it. 388 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,792 Now get back to crosswording! 389 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,168 Yes, sir. 390 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,630 Well, I must admit, I'm kind of touched. 391 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,841 "Dumb dad sorry for his bet." Nice. 392 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,552 You didn't get Homer's whole message, Lisa. 393 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:21,637 I didn't? 394 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,973 Take a look at the first letters of all the clues. 395 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:32,731 Dear Lisa, you make me so happy. 396 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,776 Really, really, really happy. 397 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:40,114 Sorry. He told me I needed 144 letters. What was my point again? 398 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:45,994 Oh, right. Bouvier or Simpson, I cherish you. 399 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,622 Oh, Dad. 400 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:49,706 (CHER/SH PLAYING) 401 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:54,753 (SINGING) Cherish is the word I use to describe 402 00:20:57,172 --> 00:21:03,053 All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside 403 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:10,310 You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you 404 00:21:58,275 --> 00:21:59,276 English - US - PSDH