1 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,673 (SINGING) The Simpsons 2 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:12,470 (EXCLAIMS) 3 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,436 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 4 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:22,981 (BARNEY BURPS) 5 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,109 (HORN BELLOWING) 6 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,831 (PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE) 7 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,006 (TIRES SCREECHING) 8 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,228 (HONKING) 9 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,021 (TIRES SCREECHING) 10 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,233 D'oh! 11 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,651 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 12 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:08,985 (SCREAMS) 13 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,721 (SIGHING CONTENTEDLY) 14 00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:51,653 And so in summary, there are only two real commandments, 15 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,614 and the other eight are just filler. 16 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:55,949 I knew it. Yeah. 17 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,576 And now I have some exciting news. 18 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,578 Tomorrow we'll be blessed with a visit 19 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:04,666 from the highest ranking clergyman of our Presbylutheran faith, 20 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:07,127 His Holiness, the Parson! 21 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,211 (ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY) 22 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,130 The Parson? He's coming here? 23 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,506 (SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL) 24 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:15,385 Oh, my God! She fainted! Let's go get smelling salts. 25 00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:17,804 (CAR REVVING) 26 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,888 HOMER: Suckers! 27 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,976 Springfielders have camped out all night 28 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,812 to get a glimpse of the most saintly person to visit our town 29 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:29,316 since Mother Teresa stopped here to gas up her Vespa. 30 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,027 And I'm selling all sorts of faith-based knickknacks. 31 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,153 (LAUGHING) 32 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,195 Let's take a look. 33 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,406 (READING) 34 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,116 (READING) 35 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,993 All kinds of gems. 36 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,038 Surprisingly, none of them have sold. Except for this one. 37 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,289 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 38 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,625 There you have it. News has never been softer. 39 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,795 What's that? The Parson is here! 40 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,547 (CAR HONKING LA CUCARACHA) 41 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,466 Oh, my God! It's him! 42 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:58,094 The earthly embodiment of the elected chair of the National Congress of Deacons! 43 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,182 Well, well, well. Hello, everybody. 44 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:05,518 I hope you didn't go to all this trouble for little old me. 45 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,813 Parson! Parson! Give us a quick official church position on family. 46 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:13,818 Well, in these modern times, family is more important than ever. 47 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,363 You just made my moustache tingle. 48 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,406 Settle. Settle down. 49 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:24,120 Now, now. I am just a man like any other, that has been chosen by God. 50 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:28,875 I have come here from our world spiritual headquarters in Michigan City, Indiana, 51 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,669 to say, keep up the good work. 52 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,254 (ALL CHEERING) 53 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,133 And now if you'll excuse me, I'll do a little speakin' with your deacon. 54 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,760 (ALL LAUGHING) 55 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,679 (SINGING) I love to go to church It's where I like to be 56 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:46,393 I get a day in of praying And still tee off by three 57 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,063 Calm down, Tim. 58 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,774 He's just your old roommate from Texas Christian. 59 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,359 He's like the pope of this thing! 60 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:58,154 This would be like Mary Kay visiting you when you were selling her cosmetics! 61 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,698 That is, if you had stuck with it. 62 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,493 You asked me to quit because I was making more than you. 63 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,328 Not now. He's here. 64 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,580 Welcome, Your Holiness. 65 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,541 You'll love what we've done with the church. 66 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,377 There's fresh wax on all the pews. 67 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,922 Sounds to me like somebody put on more than just one coat. 68 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:16,965 Maybe. 69 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,050 Tim, is there somewhere that we can talk? 70 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,803 Of course. My office. Perfect. 71 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:25,098 (SINGING) Walking to your office ls what I like to do 72 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:28,768 Maybe while we're at it We'll peek in at your pews 73 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,853 (GASPS) 74 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,438 Nilla Wafer? 75 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,606 I'll take two if you don't mind. 76 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,610 Tim, I'm here because of a problem with your last recertification. 77 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:41,781 When we tried to charge the filing fee to your credit card, it was declined. 78 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,116 Oh, yeah. 79 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:48,329 The bank put on a security hold after they saw a charge from an offshore poker club. 80 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:52,125 Helen had bought a fireplace poker from Nova Scotia. 81 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:56,129 She says it shifts logs better than American pokers, but I disagree. 82 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,715 We'll get through it. We always do. 83 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,884 Well, love conquers all, huh? 84 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:01,968 (CHUCKUNG) 85 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:04,387 I remember when she was Helen Schwartzbaum. 86 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,599 In fact, I remember when she was Harold Schwartzbaum. 87 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,309 You what? I've said too much. 88 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,978 But for the three months it took your card to go through, 89 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:13,480 you weren't certified. 90 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:18,776 Anything you officiated during that time, funerals, baptisms, even bingo, 91 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:19,986 well, it just didn't count. 92 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:24,240 (CHUCKLING) Well, I'm sure the Lord is understanding. 93 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,867 No, he's not! 94 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,536 I'll notify those affected right away. 95 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:33,124 (TIM MURMURING) 96 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,459 Tea time. 97 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:40,089 What's going on? Helen, I was briefly uncertified. 98 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,842 So all those graces you said were a lie? 99 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:47,180 That food might as well have been regurgitated by Satan himself. 100 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,517 (SINGING) Regurgitated by Satan He couldn't keep it down 101 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,186 Old 666, he got sick, sick, sick 102 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:56,064 And that's how volcanoes were born 103 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,528 Due to a bureaucratic snafu, 104 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:05,907 I wasn't an official minister when we laid your dear Estelle to rest. 105 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,117 So, she's still alive? 106 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,744 I'm afraid not. 107 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,872 Good. Because I left her ashes on the bus. 108 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:13,957 Mmm. 109 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:19,420 So, Captain, when I blessed your vessel, it didn't count. 110 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,505 (EXCLAIMS) 111 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,340 Maybe the next one! 112 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:30,974 So I'm afraid I wasn't a minister when I blessed your tin roof shanty. 113 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:34,477 So that's why that ghost keeps a-comin' to the window. 114 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,896 MAILMAN: Afternoon. Fly away, ghostie! 115 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,774 Go back to your haunted cornfield! 116 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:46,072 Reverend Lovejoy, you deliver pizza now? We didn't order a pizza. 117 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:50,952 But you forgot the pizza anyway. Marge, the pizza place screwed up again! 118 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:55,456 You remember when I remarried you two after Homer got that divorce? 119 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,709 Like it was yesterday. 120 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,794 (HUMMING) 121 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,173 Kirk and Luann split up. 122 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:08,761 So, Homer, fearing we would do the same, preemptively filed for divorce. 123 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:13,266 But then you re-married us and we were as solid as ever. 124 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,227 And I think Apu got lucky with my sister. 125 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,562 (MARGE SIGHING) 126 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,647 Well, I'm afraid that joyous occasion 127 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:23,359 fell during a time when I wasn't actually a minister. 128 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:27,655 Since that time, you two have not been legally wed. 129 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:32,118 You don't get it, Padre. My old lady and I have a thing going on. 130 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,829 We don't need a piece of paper to keep it real. 131 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,289 Who are you calling an old lady? 132 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:37,790 I need that paper quick! 133 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,881 So, you and Mom aren't married? Does that mean I'm a bastard? 134 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,967 You were born while they were married. So, legally, no. 135 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:51,429 But in the sense someone calls you one when they're angry, yes. 136 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,847 It's not a big deal. 137 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,642 We'll just go to City Hall and get married there. 138 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,560 I think it's romantic. 139 00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:01,314 You can pretend you're newlyweds starting a life together. 140 00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:04,150 Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock. 141 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,277 Why,you little bastard! 142 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,862 That's the angry one. 143 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,197 (MUTTERING ANGRILY) 144 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,578 MOE: Hmm. 145 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:17,872 (MURMURS SADLY) 146 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,792 This isn't the most romantic place to get married. 147 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:25,838 Sweetie, any place I'm marrying you is the most romantic place in the world. 148 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,174 Watch your back! Half a corpse coming through! 149 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,384 (SIGHING SADLY) 150 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,806 Marge, this time I'm gonna give you the wedding you deserve. 151 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,015 Let's get out of here. 152 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,601 Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's the line to get out. 153 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,022 (HOMER MURMURS SADLY) 154 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,733 (HUMMING HAPPILY) 155 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,236 MARGE'. AN.! 156 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,445 (PHONE RINGING) 157 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,783 Hello? Hello. It's me, Lance Romance. 158 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,370 Your first mission is to look out the window. 159 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,454 (GIGGLING) 160 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,707 Whatever you say,Lance. 161 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,086 Oh! 162 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,715 (BARN EY GRUNTS) 163 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,383 Whoa! 164 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,637 BILL: This is Bill and Marty saying, "Marge, go down to the basement." 165 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,805 (EXCLAIMING) 166 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,598 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON VIOLIN) 167 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:26,983 Homer, what's going on? The violin, pants with a crease? Why? 168 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:31,404 Marge, you deserve a wedding day that, unlike our children, 169 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,448 was planned in advance. 170 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:37,535 So, will you marry me in style? 171 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,455 Yes, Homer! Yes! 172 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,750 Did you hear that, Santa? She said yes! Yes! 173 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:44,917 (LAUGHS HAPPILY) 174 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,920 Now back to your cold, airless tomb. 175 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,131 SANTA: (IN MECHANICAL VOICE) Ho, ho, ho. 176 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,930 Oh! It's beautiful. 177 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,392 But that's an awful lot to pay for a dress I'll only wear once. 178 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:05,605 Marge, a woman only gets one chance at a second remarriage. 179 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,689 The choice is yours. 180 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:10,485 You can look like a fairy princess or a pig wrapped in rags. 181 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,197 Uh... A princess? Fine. We'll do it your way. 182 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,990 This one's a little gay, isn't it? 183 00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:19,452 Well, the last time lchecked, pirates weren't gay. 184 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,204 (GROANS IN DISGUST) How'd you check? 185 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,333 Check out this rocket ship cake, Marge! 186 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,711 That's for a child's birthday. We're going to get this one. 187 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,339 Maybe we could bury the rocket ship inside the cake. 188 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,467 And that would be a big surprise because I'd forget about it pretty quick. 189 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,970 No rockets! You can pick the frosting. 190 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,722 Chocolate! We'll take lemon. 191 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,978 Okay, I want white roses at the altar, red roses along the aisle, 192 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,774 and blue roses in the centerpieces. There are no blue roses. 193 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:53,069 I want to talk to Howard! Howard died 10 years ago. 194 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,655 Well, did he take all the blue roses with him? 195 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,073 My father was a lovely man. 196 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,075 He took very good care of my mother and me. 197 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:05,122 All right, people, I want every table to have two baskets of bread 198 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,749 but only one plate of butter. 199 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,417 That will stimulate conversation. 200 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,920 What if we... There is no "we" in wedding! 201 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,005 But there is, Marge. The first two letters. 202 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:17,343 I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding! 203 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,595 Homer! 204 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,972 (GRUNTING ANGRILY) 205 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:24,600 I can't believe you told Lenny and Carl they could bring dates. 206 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,352 'Cause they're not even coming to the wedding. 207 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:27,436 Why not? 208 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:32,066 Because their RSVP cards arrived one day after the deadline! 209 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,695 Marge, maybe you should take a break from wedding planning. 210 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,114 I think you're becoming a bridezilla! 211 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,615 Bridezilla? 212 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:44,412 (GASPS) A combination of bride and Godzilla? 213 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:48,040 How could you say that? More like you're a King Wrong! 214 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,709 (BOTH GRUNTING) 215 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:53,963 (GROWLING) 216 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,384 (GROWLING) 217 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:01,888 Mmm. 218 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,264 (HUMMING) 219 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,235 No matter what I do, Marge yells at me. 220 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:19,864 If she's like this now, what will she be like after we get married? 221 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:20,948 Oh! 222 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:27,413 Okay! Okay! Everyone, back off! I want to see myself. 223 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,543 A pimple? Not on my day, you don't. 224 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,878 (GRUNTING) 225 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,758 Okay, it's go time. Dim the lights. 226 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,010 Cue the band. 227 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,471 (BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYING) 228 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,973 And release the groom! 229 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,644 Homer, that's you! 230 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,270 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) 231 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:54,523 We are now 11 seconds behind schedule! 232 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,195 Homie? 233 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,238 (CRYING) 234 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,330 (WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN PLAYING) 235 00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:18,881 (CRYING) 236 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,843 I can't believe Homer left me at the altar. 237 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,304 Marge, have a shrimp puff. 238 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,348 Wipe your tears with a monogrammed napkin. 239 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,308 MARGE'. ON.! 240 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,476 I know it is hard, 241 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,771 but smile for the cameraman from Gary's Magic Moments. 242 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,065 You have my deepest sympathy. 243 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,321 HOMER: What's going on? What's with all the darkness? 244 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,908 Hello? Marge? Where am I? 245 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,578 (GRUNTS) 246 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,665 What the... I'm chained up like a common bicycle! 247 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:53,833 (GRUNTING) 248 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,002 Who would do this to me? 249 00:13:56,085 --> 00:14:00,506 It would have to be someone who could afford a chain. 250 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,883 DEEP VOICE ON SPEAKER: You're going to be here awhile. 251 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,260 But I have to marry Marge! 252 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,638 As of now, your pathetic little life means nothing! 253 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,975 Just so you know, you're making a pretty bad first impression! 254 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,519 It's all my fault. 255 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:17,314 Homer wanted to serve those little cocktail hotdogs. 256 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:22,028 But, no! I had to have spring rolls! 257 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,612 They taste like nothing. 258 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,033 I don't understand. 259 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:30,327 Dad would never miss an open bar with chicken wings. 260 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,913 Plus, he loves Mom and us, yadda-yadda-yadda. 261 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,915 Hey, I found something! 262 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,208 (GASPS) 263 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,295 Sideshow Bob! Sideshow Bob? 264 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:43,716 He ruined the wedding, getting his revenge on us at last! 265 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:48,137 Because he knows that if Mom and Dad don't get married, I'll never be born! 266 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,682 (DOORBELL RINGING) 267 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,979 I've got some wedding registry items for Mrs. Simpson. 268 00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,566 I'm afraid I'm just Ms. Simpson now. 269 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,359 Interesting nuance. 270 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:06,572 I'd like to hear more about it but company policy forbids chitchat. 271 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,784 I miss you so much. 272 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:13,287 DEEP VOICE: To remove that chain, you need the key to the lock. 273 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,956 You idiot. How am I ever gonna find the key to the... 274 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,583 Here it is. 275 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,168 (HOMER EXCLAIMS) 276 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,587 To get the key, I have to lick through a lollipop? 277 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,506 How awful! 278 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,966 (SCREAMING) 279 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,345 What the... The lollipop is made of hot sauce. 280 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,389 Oh! Whose side are you on? 281 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:33,849 (LAUGHING EVILLY) 282 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,018 (LAUGHING EVILLY) 283 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:44,610 Sideshow Bob, drop that knife and give back our dad! 284 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,070 (EXCLAIMS IN CONFUSION) 285 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:50,449 I'm working on a bust of Krusty and using this knife to aerate the clay. 286 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,034 (GRUNTING) 287 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,703 Anyone for a peppermint tea? Not for me. 288 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,705 But the monkey needs to keep his strength up. 289 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,416 We're gonna drop him out of a blimp tomorrow and see what happens. 290 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,501 (EXCLAIMS) 291 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:05,464 Don't worry. Nothing's gonna happen to you, Mr. Teeny number seven. 292 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,801 Bob, did you take any breaks yesterday to kidnap our dad? 293 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:12,054 Impossible. I was with Bob the whole day! 294 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,057 Then we watched the deluxe DVD of The House of Sand and Fog. 295 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,309 At night, we slept in the same bed for warmth. 296 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:21,355 Then we woke up, had a little nosh, watched The House of Sand and Fog again, 297 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,648 with commentary. 298 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,816 The director was an ass. 299 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,402 Fine. But how do you explain this? 300 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:30,614 Nice of you to think of me. However, "SB" could be anyone. 301 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,410 Scott Baio, the Sultan of Brunei, the former Polish secret police, 302 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,746 the Sluzba Bezpieczenstwa. Or... 303 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,753 (SOBBING) 304 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,589 (GROANING) 305 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,592 Marge, I miss you! 306 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,469 I miss you so much. 307 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:57,850 Wait till he finds out the key isn't the key, but just a hotter sauce. 308 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,560 (BOTH LAUGHING EVILLY) 309 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,396 Hmm? Hmm? 310 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,607 (BOTH LAUGHING EVILLY) 311 00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,825 I'm gonna say this for the last time. 312 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:18,787 Bart, if this is one of your pranks, very funny. 313 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,915 Maybe we should let him out soon. 314 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,292 Not till Marge dumps him for good. 315 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:29,215 Hey, lame-o. Ready for some fun with fire ants? 316 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:34,053 What's fun about fire ants? They're... Oh. You're being sarcastic. 317 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,847 Wow. You're the smartest guy in that room. 318 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:41,602 Thank you. That's very... Oh! More sarcasm. 319 00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:47,733 Just see that my fiancée, Marge, gets this, my wedding vows. 320 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:53,489 "Marge, I hope this day is as perfect for you as the day we met was for me. 321 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,077 "You always find the one grain of sugar in the saltshaker that is I. 322 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,579 "With each marriage, I get a little better. 323 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:03,624 "Maybe after a thousand, I'll be worthy of you." 324 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:09,338 I miss you. I miss the kids. God help me, I even miss your sisters! 325 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,883 (BOTH SOBBING) 326 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,055 Poor guy. He loves her so much. 327 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,098 Excuse me. 328 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:23,477 But I have been waiting 45 minutes for you to slide my license over to me. 329 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,603 Closed! 330 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,730 Okay, you are hereby banned from my store. 331 00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,441 You will have to shop at the Kwik-E-Mart across the street from me! 332 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,568 You know, the much nicer, much newer one. 333 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,695 Good day to you! 334 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,699 Mom! Mom! We know where Dad is. 335 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,535 He's right here. I'm not sure what happened. 336 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,915 I was kidnapped, then tortured, then I fell into a surprisingly sound sleep. 337 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:47,167 When I awoke, I felt refreshed. 338 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,627 Then I was blindfolded, 339 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:52,965 and two sobbing trolls threw me out of a van onto our lawn. 340 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:55,009 I'm just happy you're back. 341 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,969 Now let's get that chain off you. 342 00:18:57,052 --> 00:19:00,180 Won't it dry up in a few days and fall off in the bath? 343 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,516 I've missed yournonsense. 344 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,568 (GARBAGE DISPOSAL GRINDING) 345 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,654 Now there's no evidence to tie us to the kidnapping. 346 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:18,782 And we've got a one-year lease on that torture room. 347 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,951 So maybe we can put a tanning bed in there. 348 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,578 (BOTH LAUGHING) 349 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,623 (PATTY AND SELMA EXCLAIM) 350 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:30,002 We know it was you, Selma Bouvier! 351 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,170 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 352 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:35,257 Would you kids like cookies? Let your Auntie Patty make some cookies. 353 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,009 We don't want your cookies. 354 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,470 What she means is, we'll eat your cookies later. 355 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,096 If you don't want us to tell our mom what you did, 356 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,431 you're gonna have to pay. 357 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,266 Pay? Pay for what? 358 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:48,604 Ask her. She's the brains. I'm the thing that's not the brains. 359 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,938 (BOTH GRUNT ANGRILY) 360 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:56,362 And with the inking and application of this stamp, you are officially married. Next. 361 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:57,696 I'm sorry, honey. 362 00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:00,699 I wanted so badly to give you a fancy wedding. 363 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:03,327 Homer, one thing I've learned is that 364 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:08,248 you don't need a fancy wedding when you're marrying the man you love. 365 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,459 (BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYING) 366 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,963 (CROWD CHEERING) 367 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,094 (GASPS) 368 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,679 Just what I always wanted! 369 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:28,060 A rocket ship wedding cake! Just what I always wanted! 370 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,688 We emptied our 401 (k)s for this? 371 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,358 Zoom. Zoom. 372 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,319 Oh! Blue roses! 373 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,114 Yes. It took a lot of frantic genetic engineering, 374 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,323 but eHIQV- 375 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,408 (HISSING) 376 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,159 No! You're a plant now! 377 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:47,806 ENGLISH - US - PSDH